She wants a ring this year
Counselllor, Women are the ones who are usually concerned about timing of proposals, but as the new year starts, I’m realising that my partner and I are on different timelines for what ‘forward’ looks like. We’re both 25, and have been dating since high school. She is insisting that if I don’t propose in 2026 she will move on, but I don’t like to feel pressure to speed up. I’m just not ready for a wife and kids, and I’m not sure whether my discomfort is a signal that something’s wrong in the relationship, or just my own anxiety. How do I talk about it with her without falling prey to her ultimatum?
A mature adult in a relationship will evaluate “progress”. They will come to the place of wanting the most secure position within the relationship. Once they have been investing time, energy and resources into the relationship, they will want to know that there is security in it. So you can’t be surprised if she wants to have confirmation of a prospect of “tying the knot”. Don’t panic!
Nothing is untoward about the position you’re in. Yes, you have to evaluate as well, to know what makes you feel secure. If you genuinely don’t feel that you are ready and able to make a stronger commitment, then that’s that. But she can’t be faulted for wanting and working on a plan to move things forward. If you are genuinely not on the same page, it is important to know that now, and for that variance to surface now. You can either abandon ship or determine to get on board with her desire for the relationship. Progress always forces decisions.
It isn’t just women who think about proposals and timing. Everyone seeking security will want to have a strong commitment once they’ve invested heavily into a relationship. But women are indeed generally more security oriented. The Bible says, (1 Peter 3:7b [NET]) “Treat your wives with consideration as the weaker partners and show them honour…” The issue of “weaker” partners, ie, their being physically more insecure and at risk, means that women mentally, emotionally and financially, will want a secure plan. They need security!
You are still young, and it is understandable if you’re not ready. For most men, building a stable financial foundation is an imperative. It may be that you feel you need more time to build something, because, yes, you’ll have to offer her, or any prospective wife, security through stability. So if that’s an issue for you, yes, don’t be rushed. Don’t be pressured. Because a marriage can fail if financial security fails. If you are deeply in love but deeply in debt, intimacy and romance can fly out the window, unfortunately. So, no, don’t be rushed. But try to figure out when you might be ready, so that you can have a counter proposition.
She’s correct to be planning and thinking about her future. You are correct to be weighing things. The situation does not mean there’s anything wrong with your relationship. It’s okay!
You both are the same age, and this may be the challenge for a couple at your age and stage. It’s typical! If you were an older guy, with many issues already sorted out, you might be the one pressuring her about marriage. But it is what it is. So find the compromise — have the hard discussions, make clear goals, make hard choices and consider getting further advice.
You both have already invested much into the relationship. But taking on a wife and starting a family is a big responsibility. I pray that you will have the wisdom to make the best choice, which will give you both the best opportunity at future happiness. No matter what happens, determine to have a happy and prosperous 2026!
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
