THERE’S no time like Christmas that makes you think about time and place and space — during gift buying, scouting and searching, you’re thinking of what to spend, who deserves what, whether they even deserve it, and most of all, will they reciprocate on the time and effort you’ve made.

During your reflection it’s important to think about the actual meaning behind gift-giving — to show love, appreciation, respect, and thoughtfulness. These are traits you really should be mindful of all year round, so that ultimately, those benefiting from the gifting are truly deserving.

Here are some tips for what you need this Christmas, what you deserve, and what to demand.

GIFT THIS, NOT THAT

For men:

Fellows, instinctively you’ll be thinking about the budget. You’ll be ‘maths-ing’ things out to figure out what you can afford. But let me advise you what the best gift for her can be. Can you afford CREATIVITY? Yes, seriously! Many men can’t; they can only afford money. But getting her the best Christmas gift will not necessitate you emptying your bank account. Money doesn’t always make things memorable. If you love her and you feel she’s the one, and you figure she’s possibly qualified to have you as her man for the long-term, then think creatively.

Whatever you do, make sure it has a personal touch that screams creative and sensitive. That way it communicates that you’ve thought about it and that you know her and understand her. Afford her your thoughtfulness and a demonstration of how intimate you can be. What will be hard to beat is your own individuality, creativity and intimacy, wrapped up as a Christmas gift. Maybe you can design a pendant, or something personal… add to your effort a real demonstration of your uniqueness. Make her see how thoughtful and attentive you are to who she is.

For women:

Instinctively you may be thinking, “what can I get him that he needs, or really wants?” You may be trying to secretly scope out his cologne collection or his wardrobe, or what jewellery he wears. But hold up for a moment, before you head off down to yonder plaza. Here’s what you should get him: an unforgettable experience. No, that’s not a fragrance. That’s an activity, that’s an outing, that’s a demonstration of love and tenderness. If you spend money, let it be a token, but the big spend should be time and energy — something under the stars, something quiet, something that says “I’m yours and you are mine”.

DEMAND THIS, NOT THAT…

As we approach year end, it’s also the perfect time to make certain demands, after all, you are the prize.

Know your wants: Clearly identify what you want and need in the relationship.

Communicate openly: Share your feelings and desires honestly, fostering open communication.

Set boundaries: Establish boundaries that align with your values and communicate them respectfully.

Be assertive, not aggressive: Clearly express your needs without being confrontational; assertiveness promotes understanding.

Prioritise self-respect: Value yourself and your needs, ensuring your well-being is a priority.

THIS IS WHAT YOU DESERVE

Whatever it is that comes in that package on Christmas morning, know that getting or giving a gift is a pointless display without the following:

Respect: Mutual respect forms the foundation of all that’s good, acknowledging each other’s feelings, opinions and boundaries.

Trust: Trust is essential; both partners should feel secure and confident in the reliability of their relationship.

Support: Emotional support during challenges and encouragement in personal growth are fundamental.

Equality: Relationships should be based on equality, with both partners contributing and benefiting equally.

Safety: Physical and emotional safety create an environment where both partners can be vulnerable without fear of harm or judgment.

— Chris Brodber & Alaisha Thomas