The art of conversation
Women today are making great strides in their careers and finances and in seeking more fulfilling relationships. Much of our success depends as much on your ability to talk as it depends upon our knowledge. A study of thousands of successful men and women found a common denominator to be our skill in using words. Earning power and word skill are closely tied together and we can increase earnings by increasing word power.
Happiness, too, according to psychiatrists depends largely on our ability to express our ideas, desires, hopes, ambitions or disappointments to other people. Many unhappy people are unable to express themselves and, as such, carry the burden of their ideas and emotions bottled up inside them.
Relax
Though we may have a wealth of interesting ideas on tap many women are reluctant to start up conversations. We hold back because it seems inane to spout some profound observation on the nature of man and the universe, or we think we may be dull and obvious to say something trite. In thinking we must be perfect, witty or wise dries up conversation. No one can scintillate every minute or spout literary gems. Even Shakespeare it is said was often dull in portions of his classics.
Small talk
Small talk is how we warm up and become relaxed to segue into more stimulating conversation. Expert conversationalists do not begin with profound or clever statements but use “ice-breakers” to put the other person at ease: What’s your name? Where are you from? How many children? Or they comment on an observation: “Well it looks like we will have a long wait before we are served.”
The art of conversation
The art of being a good conversationalist lies in encouraging others to talk and to keep talking on the topic every person is an expert in — themselves. People are interested first, last and always in themselves: their job, their family and their ideas. Keep the other person’s interest by asking — Why? Where? How? What? If she says, she had a fabulous day at the spa, don’t say, “Let me tell you about the most divine spa in Bali.” Instead ask, “Where did you go? How was the massage and aromatherapy? What was the spa menu? Keep the focus on the “U-turn” and off the “I and Me.”
When to talk about yourself
It is natural to start talking about “me”, to shine, or to impress the other person. But truth is we rate higher in the other person’s estimation and they consider us more intelligent if our conversation focuses on them. Ask yourself mentally, “What do I really want in this situation? Do you want to shine and swell your own ego or do you want the other person’s business; her name on the dotted line; his permission to do something; her good will? Engaging others to talk about themselves make them receptive to our ideas and we gain their co-operation.”
The time to talk about ourselves is when we are invited. At this point we answer the questions and turn the spotlight back on others. In using the “me-too” technique we bring ourselves into the conversation when it has psychological impact. Reveal something about yourself that ties into something they said to form a bond between you. If she says, she loves pedicures and you do, say so.
The magic of agreement
Similarities in experiences, likes and dislikes forms a common bond of agreement that is flattering to the other person. Being in agreement says, “I am somewhat like you” and automatically makes the other person like you. We like people who agree with us and dislike people who disagree with us. Agreement confirms our worth and self-esteem and disagreement is a potential threat to our self-esteem. In essence, in agreeing with others we help them to like themselves better. Seek out points of agreement on which to established common ground and address points of disagreement.
Use happy talk.
Nobody likes Sad Sue or Gloomy Gwen and few of us like to listen to prophets of doom. Pessimism makes us unpopular. Instead of airing problems in public seek out a pastor, counsellor or a trusted confidante. If something weighs heavy on the chest write it out in all its gory details and then burn it. Writing several letters are worth unloading the albatross in private.
