Rebuild your own self-esteem
Dear Doctor:
Since our motto is “Out of many, one people”, why does Jamaica continue to be racist? I am a woman of 31 who was unemployed for eight months and was recently hired by a small financial services company to be an administrative assistant. At first I was so happy to be working, and the people seemed nice, although I was the only dark person working there. However, I notice now that the “browning” ladies leave me out of their lunches and nobody seems to give me the time of day. This has been bothering me, and I don’t feel happy to go to work now. What can I do?
Dear New-Hire:
There are still vestiges of prejudice in all societies and in almost all people. You and me included. I’m sorry that your initial impressions of your new job have been tarnished, but all is not lost. Change is the one fact in life that doesn’t change. The fact that you are the only dark-skinned person working at the company is interesting, and certainly gives you an opportunity to create change there!
Prejudice runs deep and long in human beings. It can be colour based, or it may be economic. It can be social (she has a husband and I don’t), or based on personal bias (he’s fat and I hate fat people). In other cultures, prejudice is based on religion, like the Middle East. In Jamaica we have focused our attention on colour for a while now, but discrimination comes from a place within us that is only looking for an excuse to dislike others. Jamaica and its people are no different.
If we want to create change, towards ourselves or others, we must always start with ourselves. I would suggest that you go through a process of building your own self-esteem and examining prejudice within yourself. Why? you ask. Well, for some magical reason, when we change ourselves, we find others changing in their attitude towards us. If it is at all possible, join a group at church or take a course in personal development. Learn about the process of examining your life, your own wants and needs, and how you think of yourself. Gradually, you will gain a better image of yourself, regardless of what others think of you.
This is an essential first step. Reading popular books on believing in yourself, in raising your self-esteem, are available on the bookshelf, and they are well worth the cost. Perhaps you can exchange books with a friend to save money. Speaking of a friend, it will really help to go through this self-examination with another person. You can become buddies in the growth process, which helps.
Once your confidence level has gone up, it won’t really matter what others think of you. In reality, your colleagues might know each other well, and you’re just the new girl in town. Or, they might just be cliquish. However, it would be helpful to all concerned to assist in de-stressing your workplace. After doing the work I described above, you can consider being honest with your co-workers about feeling left out. I would like to underline the word AFTER, because if you talk to them now, it will come out as defensive criticism. When you get to the point of feeling really confident about yourself, it will come out differently. You will also not care about the outcome, so you won’t make them feel guilty about their choices.
You cannot force people to go out to lunch with you, and you also cannot make them change their attitudes. However, you can have others see you as a confident, cheerful person, who has a life of her own. When you can detach from your workmates, and see them for the good that is within each one, they will start to notice what a great person you are.
The secret is to work on yourself, not on others, if you want to create change in those around you.
