Feeling sexy…Ten easy ways to boost your sexual confidence
With endless pictures of gorgeous young models beaming out at you from the pages of glossy magazines and the Internet pushing explicit sex as a primary commodity, it can be hard for the average girl to feel like the sex goddess she is deep down inside.
Maybe you’ve always been shy, or maybe you’re dealing with a new body because of childbirth or weight gain. Maybe you have a new partner, or want to rev things up with an old one. But whoever you are, feeling sexually confident is the most important ingredient for enjoying your love life, so here is our magical 10-step program to feeling like the hot, mouthwatering woman you know you are.
1. Love yourself
“Women can’t let go of their to-do list,” says Cynthia Lief Ruberg, a sex therapist. “They don’t take enough time to take care of themselves. Start small — a pedicure can make you feel pretty as you flash your seductive new tootsies. A haircut or a new perfume also falls into this category. How about a naughty piece of lingerie? If you’re not comfortable wearing a G-string, (and we’re not sure what brilliant authority said that G-strings were ever comfortable), how about a nice new nightie – and, no, not your grandmother’s old hand-me-down – or a chic new robe? As long as it’s easy to undo, your partner will love it. Plus, you have new clothes! How can you lose?
2. Martha Stewart your sex life
If you’re feeling a little shy, there are things you can do to enhance your environment. How about purchasing some groovy low lighting? Track lighting with a dimmer will do the trick, but if you really don’t want to explain to the contractors why you’re suddenly completely renovating the house, try a lamp with a sheer piece of fabric instead. And of course, there is the old romantic standby – a good set of candles. Just make sure you’re not going to knock them over. You want to set your love life on fire – not the bed!
3. Know your body
If your back is killing you from hours of toddler lugging, chances are you might not feel like giving it any more work. Getting in touch with your body and its physical health is an important way to get in the mood for a busy night in the boudoir.
Go get a massage – you’re worth it! (see rule #1). Practice relaxing while someone else touches you – it’s almost guaranteed to spill over into your love life, making you feel more sensual and desirable. And try to incorporate some exercise into your routine. It will not only give you more energy and make you feel better about your body; good cardiovascular health means that blood will flow better to all the pertinent areas.
4. Dream Big
Contrary to what the nuns may have taught you as a wee girl, thinking about sex isn’t going to get you in trouble. In fact, it can be just the thing to help put you in the mood. Spend five minutes each day imagining yourself in your dream sexual situation. Of course, in your fantasy you execute every move absolutely flawlessly, your partner is completely smitten with you, you say all the right things, and the phone doesn’t ring at inopportune moments. But if you go through it enough times in your head, you just may be able to become your dream love queen in real life. Think of it as practicing lines for your high school play, but this time everyone is legal.
5. Turn it on, turn it on
Fantasizing often helps you get in touch with your own desire and issues that may dampen your passion. You may think you haven’t been feeling very sexually confident lately, but maybe the real issue is that you’re avoiding your partner until he puts on some cologne!
“I asked one woman who wasn’t feeling very sexy what turns her on,” says Dr Ruberg. “She had a lot of sexual aversions. He didn’t brush his teeth and she didn’t like his dirty fingernails. Its personal — it could be smells, songs, what a partner says to them — women need to identify what turns them on.”
6. Get a “Recipe Book”
One great way to feel sexier is to massage your sexual technique. Tasteful, women-friendly, how-to books are big business. Go on. You never know what you’ll learn, and when you sashay home and wow your partner with a new trick, just think of the ways he’ll shower you with appreciation.
7. Go to the toy store
Remember when you were little and a new toy always cheered you up? Apply the same theory to your sex life and get yourself a new (or your first!) sex toy. The excitement of a new item in the bedroom can make you feel saucy and you just might discover something new about your sex life!
8. Hey, remember romance?
While you might not guess it from watching Sex and the City, many women need to feel in touch with their partners to feel sexy.
“The number one thing for a woman is to feel connected to her partner emotionally,” says Dr Ruberg. “I always say you have to make love in the kitchen before you can make love in the bedroom.”
Take your lover on a romantic picnic, or put aside a night for a “special date” where your only job is to talk, reconnect, and above all, flirt!
9. Visit Dr Love
It’s pretty hard to feel sexually confident if you’d really rather curl up with a good book. If you have a low sex drive, you may want to talk to your doctor.
Some of the things that can affect sexual desire are birth control pills or antidepressants, menopause or a testosterone level that’s too low (and yes, women have testosterone, too. Surprise!).
10. Believe in Yourself
Lastly, don’t be so hard on yourself! Your partner is with you because he cares about you and thinks you’re hot. Women are often more critical of themselves, their bodies, and their sexual abilities than their partners are. And above all, don’t forget – there is nothing more sexy than confidence!
