Better sex may mean less divorce, says Christian therapist

“Who invented sex? Is it something dirty, ugly, shameful, devilish, something you don’t talk about, taboo? Whose idea was it to have sex?”

The question asked by visiting family therapist from the United States, Adly Campos at a Seventh Day Adventist (SDA) Crusade in Maverly last Wednesday, may have appeared rhetorical to the more than 500 SDA members in attendance.

But the reinforcement was necessary. International statistics say close to 60 per cent of Christian marriages end in divorce.

And Campos, in an hour-long powerpoint presentation, said many divorce cases had their roots in sexual problems in the home.

Campos spoke simply and frankly, sometimes drawing much laughter from the audience, but her presentation was undoubtedly the high point of a month-long education crusade, which started by the SDA on February 29 to restore the family unit.

“We need to go back to the creation story,” Campos said. “For years, magazines, the media and the Internet have helped to shape the wrong perception of the sex act, making it a thing to be enjoyed by anyone in or out of marriage. Through these medium, pornography, adultery, fornication, and other sexually immoral behaviour are promoted and encouraged.

An addiction to sexual immoral behaviour is not easily shaken and it often infiltrates the home, destroys the marriage and hurts families.”

Expanding on the creation story from the book of Genesis, Campos taught that when God created man and woman, he made their sex organs, with His holy hands.

“God didn’t do anything dirty or devilish.everything he created was sacred and He saw that all he had made was ‘very good’.

He made sex not only for procreation, but especially for enjoyment by a man and his wife for as long as they lived.”

The Bible indicates that it is wrong for a husband or wife to deny his/her spouse sex, unless they consent to postpone intimacy for the purposes of prayer and fasting.

But some spouses deny sex for other reasons. He or she may have had a bad sexual encounter in childhood, such as incest, rape or sexual abuse, which may leave them intimidated and fearful of the sex act.

Misinformation also creates problems. Campos related a story of a young woman on her wedding night whose aunt warned her that sex would be a painful experience. As a result the young bride locked herself in the bathroom all night.

One way to prevent misinformation is for parents to educate themselves about sex and speak to their children about it at an early age.

There may be health reasons, some may feel they are too old or some use sex to manipulate their partner.

Campos’ advice was :

1) Love your partner and respect his/ her needs. Wives and husbands should make the effort to look attractive to their spouse and consider their feelings. If you scream at her during the day, don’t expect anything at night. Shower, brush your teeth, put on nice music, and enjoy each other.

2) Avoid pornographic videos, movies, websites and literature. Pornography perverts something as sacred as sex.

3) Do not let a child sleep on the same bed a husband and wife are sharing.

4) Be faithful to your spouse. God will punish anyone who is unfaithful. 1 Corinthians 7: 1 – 5.

5) Be fair to each other when having sex. Husbands do not get on the horse, come down and fall asleep. Be sure the wife is taken care of. Wives should not simply lay there and let him do all the work.

6) Do not deny your spouse sex. When you constantly fulfill each other’s needs, your marriage will stand a greater chance of lasting a lifetime.