The pros and cons of on-line dating

It seems everyone, from grandmas to grungy teens, has taken the search for a soul mate on-line. In a survey done last October, Nielsen/Netratings found that 21 million people visited on-line dating sites in that month.

Americans spent an estimated $313 million for subscriptions to on-line dating sites last year, up from $228 million in 2002, according to Jupiter Research.

While the top three sites – Match.com, Yahoo! Personals and American Singles.com – pulled in more than half of all online daters, there is a legion of competitors.

Among those vying for paying subsrcibers are a number of sites targeting niche groups, such as DeafSingle.com; Harley-Match.com for bikers and the women who love them; and MyCountryMatch.com, where cowboys can meet cowgirls.

Dating service executives like to say that everyone in America knows someone who found love on-line. But ask most on-line daters and they’ll say that before you find your prince or princess, you have to wade through a whole lot of frogs who are trying to get kissed. The Nielsen research also found that 11 per cent of those visiting on-line dating sites were married.

I’ve met some toads,” said Jo, 46, who asked that her last name not be used. After six years of on-line and off-line dating, she has her share of tales about online suitors who were a bit too creative in reinventing themselves.

She has run across men who brag about their gold jewellery and cars, but stick her with the dinner bill, nudist, and men who are married or are struggling with gender issues.

Jo ‘s date turned out to be a man with a bad hairpiece and they had arranged to hit golf balls at a driving range. The guy, who had bragged that he was a sports-car owner, showed up in a fairly well-worn vehicle. “It didn’t even had a bumper,’ Jo said. “I thought, ‘OK, let’s get this over with.’ I was hoping he’d get a couple of small buckets, but no, he had to get the buckets with 200 balls.”

A date with one man she met online had potential – for about 15 seconds. “This one man had a really nice ad,” Jo said. We exchanged e-mail, talked on the phone and then decided to meet for lunch. “He showed up dressed and I thought, ‘he looks good in a suit.’ Then he tried to sell me prepaid legal services.”

And it’s not just the men embellishing their profiles. Lou Benjamin said he has met several women with misleading personal ads.

One woman said she was Audrey Hepburn look-alike, so with vision of “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” in his mind, Benjamin arranged to meet her for coffee. “Who does she look like?” Benjamin said. “Katharine Hepburn in ‘On Golden Pond.'” From now on, it’s definitely ‘no picture, no date,” he said. Benjamin said he hasn’t given up finding a match online, but he’s more skeptical. Call it what you will -obfuscations, half-truths, social dissembling, little white lies – online dating lies are the spams of the cyber-personals world,” he said.

There are lots of stories from men and women about prospective dates who misrepresent their weight in their ads.

David, a sales representative, who also asked that his last name not be used, was surprised to find himself on a date with an extremely large woman. The woman had “described herself as having curves in all the right places,” David said. “Knew she wasn’t going to be skinny, and that was OK. But…..”

Yet another man who asked not to be identified said his internet-related date started out OK, but not great. It was apparent that there wasn’t going to be a second date when the woman asked him if he would take out her sister, who was described as a bit of a bookworm but attractive.

A self-described khakis, loafers and button-down-collar republican, the man was not expecting a date to show up in Goth attire: Short black skirt, bright-red top, pale white make-up, jet-black hair and bright red lipstick. There was nothing to do at that point but go ahead with the date, at an upscale restaurant that he frequents, he said. The mismatched duo amused the hostess, who discreetly shook her head and gave him a quizzical look. I just smiled, shrugged, walked on and enjoyed the meal,” he said.

Kirsten Grenoble, 25, has had better luck with Internet dating than the others. In nearly two years, she had some good dates and met some nice people, although she hasn’t found a lasting relationship yet, she said. “Overall, people have been very honest,” Grenoble said. The incredible Shrinking date is an exception that stands out. Grenoble is 6 feet tall. She says in her ad she prefers taller men. She went on a date with a man who had claimed to be 6 feet 3. He turned out to be 5 inches shorter than that.

“The guy told me he was 29, but he looked like he was in his late 30’s,” she said. ” A guy’s height is not a huge issue. I’ve dated guys shorter than me. Dishonesty is a bigger issue. If someone lies to me in their e-mail, it’s not going to go well when we meet.”