Why do men give so much trouble?
Why do men give so much trouble? That, my friends, is a million-dollar question. I guess, it depends on what you mean by trouble.
In all my years on this earth, I, like the three billion other women on the planet, have marvelled at this man/woman thing. No matter how hard we try, we just can’t seem to understand men.
I have some very naïve girlfriends who I love with all my heart but who believe that there are men out there who do not stray. Sure, there may be some. But unfortunately, we can only find them in the sand box!
Once they graduate from sand boxes and play pens, men play even harder. Their playing, however, has absolutely nothing to do with how much they love a woman.
It’s called libido, pure and simple.
No, I am not saying there are no faithful men out there. I am saying that they are few and far between, and, hey, if you happen to have one, more power to you. May it last forever.
Cynic? Not really. When I was young and foolish, I used to believe that my man would never stray.
The older I got, the more I realised that it is our rosy-tinted glasses that will make us believe that our man would never sample other goods. Men often do just that, and we call it giving trouble.
The problem, I think, is in the DNA. Trust me. This DNA transcends borders, cultures and races. No matter how hard we try to convince ourselves otherwise, it hardly changes.
For the past 15 or so years, I have been walking around with what I have come to think of as my creed. It is the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
So all the times when I am tempted to rant and rave about men’s infidelity – and do – I recite that prayer in my head to keep me calm. It does.
The difference is knowing what you can change. To my mind, men have been behaving like this since Biblical times. Remember Solomon and his wives and concubines? I tell you it’s all in the DNA.
What is important is how you deal with it. As Victorian and stupid as our mothers and grandmothers appear to be, there is wisdom in how they dealt with infidelity. They expected it, maybe even condoned it. They also made sure that their man always wanted to and did come home. Perhaps they appeared too cavalier about their man’s infidelity, but I don’t think it was so. Mark you, they didn’t have to contend with HIV/AIDS, but we can take a few pages from their book.
Don’t get me wrong. I could never calmly tell my man (nor expect him) to go forth and sow his wild oats; far from it. If any man in my life feels the need to do that, he had better be so skilful that I never suspect!
A man will only give you trouble if you let him – if you do everything to foster that trouble, if you nag him, trail him, curse off the other woman and make him feel like you are his mother rather than his mate.
Ignorance is bliss. I simply do not want to know. Any day I want to know, you had better believe that the relationship is over. All any woman can hope for is that her man, if he feels the need to stray, is protecting them both. Of course, if he throws his infidelity in your face, well that’s another story entirely. You can’t help but call him on it.
When he is blatantly unfaithful, it means that he couldn’t care less. Respect is out the window and, if you reach that stage, you probably need to part company. If your man denies and denies it even when caught with his pants down, there may be hope of redemption. It means he wants you and the relationship, unlike some men who literally draw their woman a map to their lair.
I remember a few years back a story of a wife who had gone to work. No sooner was her back turned than her husband had imported a girl into their matrimonial bed. Well, folks, she got to work and felt unwell and returned home to catch her husband in flagrante delicto – yes, doing the nasty. Poor thing, she fainted. Well, our boy was so suave, he simply scooted off the paramour, put his wife to bed, nightie and all, and told her that she was delirious, she must have dreamt it. Very suave. For, after all, she did have a temperature of 103!
Luckily, people, the average man eventually gets tired of these games. He eventually realises that he has had his fling and doesn’t have to prove a thing. The DNA settles, thank God. The body gets tired. They start worrying not about how often they can get it up but whether they can get it up at all.
Sure, they love the attention. It is good for their ego. But they also worry about prostate cancer and bald spots. They know fully well that it is their mate who will be there to pick up the pieces and nurse them back to health!
Next time you wonder whether your man is giving trouble, think on these things. I don’t know about you, but I hate trouble. Try it.
