When sex becomes an obligation
Are you sexually happy? The average person yearns for a sex life, not just the physical, but certainly the emotional.
If one is sexually happy, then everything pretty much falls into place. People will say that sex is not all, that there are many people out there who are not sexually active who seem to be doing fine. But have you ever noticed women who are miserable? If one were to do a survey, one would find that something is not right in the sex/love department.
Don’t get me wrong. People make conscious choices every day to be celibate, for one reason or another, but if we were to take closer stock, we would realise that there is a good reason.
When one is in love, sex is a most fulfilling and exhilarating experience. It is a communion of minds and bodies, an infinitely cataclysmic and cohesive feeling that links two people together.
Love conquers all, and this bond allows the couple to fight any battle together. Where sex becomes an obligation is where a couple is not in synch and do it as a duty, because it is expected. That is so clinical and undesirable and yet, so many persons seem to fall prey to the obligation.
I know enough people who seem trapped in loveless unions. It suits them to remain in the marriage, usually for financial reasons – she, because she doesn’t know how to make it on her own and he, because he doesn’t intend to give her half of his possessions.
He would rather live his life doing what he wants, often with other women, and, occasionally, doing his duty at home, than split his assets. She would rather stay in a loveless marriage and get all the creature comforts than go out there and fend for herself. Plus, she truly believes that she should get what is coming to her, which is half of everything.
She is usually not financially independent and wouldn’t really know how to make it on her own. She also believes that he owes it to her, for her long suffering of his infidelities and indiscretions and that she should realise her investment. It would really be like withdrawing before the investment has had time to mature.
Now men seem to have the ability to have sex with any woman, no matter her size, weight or looks. I know that makes the men sound pretty shallow, but how else does one explain the choices they make? Remember also that they are not as emotional. A man can sleep with you, and then move on to the next conquest. It is not personal, not unless he wants it to be. He can be detached and clinical. For him, it is like masturbation.
Some women have also mastered the art of detachment.
They can either sleep with their mate while their brain is disengaged, knowing full well that they can get true pleasure from a toy boy, or they simply lock shop and couldn’t care less if the man goes elsewhere for his pleasure. In fact, they not only welcome, but encourage this. They do not wish to be bothered.
That situation usually comes about after years of distrust and resentment, but she too is holding out for dear life, hoping, indeed praying for the law of averages and that he will die before she does. Then she will inherit what is rightfully hers by dint of her marriage certificate and many years’ involvement.
That, my friends, is when sex becomes an obligation.
Anything you have to do without any real zest or interest can overwhelm you. It depends on your makeup. But if your heart truly is not in it, is it really worth it to sacrifice your life for financial security? I marvel at how people live these sexless, loveless lives and bring so much emotional pain onto themselves.
Make no mistake, we all yearn to be happy. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be out there and infidelity wouldn’t be so rampant. But it is different strokes for different folks.
Joy Crawford is a freelance writer.
