A GOOD MAN

What a piece of work is man!

How noble in reason,

How infinite in faculty, in form and moving,

How express and admirable..

And yet to me what is the quintessence of dust?

– Shakespeare, Hamlet

Man, what a piece of work indeed: loved, hated, reviled, cursed, despised, wanted, sought after, chased away, yet chased by women. It’s all so confusing, as men are called names ranging from darling to dog, chupsie to cur, Frank to fu., but I better stop with the names.

Women seem to be so confused when it comes to men, that either they don’t know what they want, or don’t want it when they have it. As usual, last New Year’s Eve night saw many attractive women out at functions, either by themselves, or in a collective herd, or should that be flock, or gaggle?

Whatever, there they were, all dressed up on perhaps the most romantic night of the year, save for Valentine’s night, with no man beside them. It is a common scenario, and while I would not dare to ask them about their plight on that occasion, I have spoken to them at different times about their manless existence.

For some it was by fate, for others it was by choice. Usually the response was the same: “I just can’t find a good man, I want a good man, why can’t a good man come into my life?” One lady who was divorced twice, even told me that she wants to get married again, and that if the third one failed, she’d go at it a fourth time.

“You see, I’m not one of those women who can live alone. I have my needs and I need a man to fulfill them, so I won’t stop looking until I find a good man.” A good man. There goes that term again! But what makes a good man, what sets him apart from other men, what makes him different?

Well, good men are rarely born, but are made. A young man growing up has to be moulded the right way, steered in the right direction, if he is to become a good young man. There are a few parents who recognise this and pass on these values to their sons. The mothers make sure that the boys are able to cook, sew on buttons if needs be, wash and iron, and generally take care of themselves.

As one old-time mother told me, “I made sure that he could do all those things, so that he’d not be at the mercy of any woman.” Can you imagine the fiasco if a man marries a woman who is as helpless as a flounder on dry land?

There they are, both of them in the house and neither of them can do a damn thing to help themselves, not even water they can boil, but have to depend on helper or fast food for every single thing that passes through their mouth. It starts with simple chores, that eventually leads to independence, which then leads to self-confidence.

A good man has manners, and that, too, has to be learned and cultivated from an early age. Over the last season I chatted with a lot of people, and I heard stories of young men coming to pick up my friend’s daughters that were simply horrifying.

One parent told me how this young man drove up to his gate to attend his daughter’s sweet sixteen party. The lad was dressed in a wash rag type of tee shirt, torn, rolled-up jeans, uncombed hair, and more rings through every part of his body than a circus freak. “Yow, yow dads, is Lisa party this, a ya so me and my crew a buss!”

Now that must be every parents’ nightmare, and is certainly not the good man that most women are always seeking. But he wasn’t born that way; so the twig is bent it grows, they say.

A good man respects his woman. I always find it strange how black American men have this habit of calling their women bitches and ho’s. Our men don’t use those said terms, but the lyrics of some of the songs are oftimes worse.

This lack of respect towards women makes you wonder if those guys were spawned in a test tube, motherless. But then again, you’ll say that some women respond to it and even call for it. No matter, it should not be done, and perhaps if more parents stressed the need to respect women from an early age, then the cycle would stop.

At times this lack of respect stems from the man’s own low self-esteem. So to big up himself, he tears down women. A good man? I think not.

A good man has etiquette. Now I know that many nowadays youth have no idea what I’m talking about, but good etiquette goes such a far way and is so sought after by women.

All the ladies I’ve spoken to have expressed this, how it’s so refreshing when a man takes them out and displays good etiquette. He opens the car door, holds the door open for her when entering a building, pulls out her chair, offers her food and drink, generally makes her feel comfortable and secure.

“Those are the qualities that I look for in a man, believe it or not, good etiquette,” this lady told me. Some may not know the term, but know when a man shows it to them. “Him treat me right, mek me feel good, me check fi him.” And that’s another thing, a good man takes out his lady, and it doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy, either, but most women love to dress up and go out once in a while.

That’s why movies are still so popular, even though we have cable and satellite dish. Women still love to dress up and go out, and a good man recognises this. And I don’t mean taking out a new woman just to impress her, either, but taking out your long time woman. That’s the mark of a good man.

A good man has eyes only for his woman. Okay, let’s get realistic and rephrase that. A good man has eyes only for his woman when he’s around her. She must feel special, he can’t be with her yet ogling other women. As long as he’s with her, she must be the one. Which leads naturally into the next prerequisite of a good man.

A good man must deal with only his woman and nobody else. Now I know that’s a tall order, but it’s what women want in a good man. “I want my man to only be with me alone, I don’t want to share him with any other woman,” so many ladies have told me.

Others qualified it by saying, “As long as him don’t dash it in my face and disrespect me and have woman calling me and tracing me off, I won’t mind, although I would rather he didn’t, but man is man, I suppose.” Oh a good man is hard to find, but a hard man is even better, some women say. A good man commits, no stringing along business, but really commits.

Women are forever seeking a good man, this elusive being that somehow keeps slipping from their grasp. Some women meet good men who eventually turn out to be dogs, while others just can’t seem to meet even a hint of a good man.

Others caught the good man but couldn’t hold on to him, as their jealousy and insecurity drove him away. Still, there are others who will never stop looking for the good man, the man who will fulfill all their needs, their desires, their wants, their obligations.

“I won’t settle for any and anybody, I want a good man for myself.” “Why can’t I find a good man, either they’re married, gay, too young, too old, worthless, thieves, liars or unemployed.” I think it was philosopher Diogenes, or was it Aristotle, who trod the earth in vain, looking for even one honest man. He never found him. Is that the fate of these women who are seeking a good man? Let me know. More time.

Seido1@hotmail.com

Footnote: Some male colleagues of mine were so irate about the attitude of some women regarding gifts this last Christmas season. “As dem see me so, dem ask whey dem gift deh, yet dem nuh give nutten,” was what one man told me.

Some women are truly licky-licky and see men as Santa Claus as they are forever looking for handouts and gifts. “So what yu bring for me, what yu buy?” It’s a shame, and only diminishes how them men’s eyes.

Hey, meet the Tuckers, I mean Meet the Fockers. What a funny movie, and with a truly delicious name. Really a great comedy about a ‘good man’ and his family, and we all know how laughter is vital to our existence.

You know how I love Carib cinema already. By the way, Fokker is a German name, and even a famous fighter plane from World War One was named after it’s designer, Anthony Gerard Fokker.