What drives men? Is it love, or sex or both?
Do we know what drives our men? Sex, for sure, makes their world go round, but is it only that or are our men also motivated by love?
There is no doubt about it. Men live and die for sex. If you are going to ask a man to live without sex, you might as well ask him to cease to exist. Yes, men usually are the bread-winners and thrive on high-drama, corporate intrigue and, yet, in all that, sex seems to be the aphrodisiac for their success.
Any man you can think of who is successful is usually highly sexed, even if it is only in his mind. A rich and powerful man usually has a bevy of beauties from which to choose, whether he is married or not. Call it ego. Look at Hugh Hefner, Playboy magnate. To this day, he surrounds himself with his playmates. Of course, I highly suspect that he is getting quite a lot of help from the little blue pill, but he is forever smiling.
Fictional character, James Bond, Agent 007, is renowned for his myriad sexual marathons. It doesn’t matter the time, the place or the race. Have ticker, will travel! And when we think about it, we will realise that James Bond has survived over four decades because everybody loves him, both men and women. The men love his image. Every man wants to know that he can have any woman he chooses and still find time for high drama and intrigue.
Women want a James Bond to love and make love to them. Of course, every girl loves a bad boy and he epitomises the bad boy life in the fast lane. I guess we can dream. And isn’t that what life is all about, realising one’s dream, one’s potential?
They say that men spend many a waking hour thinking about sex. When they are not working, they actively think about it and even when they are working. Look at how they are orientated anyway. They invariably wake up with an erection and usually can’t wait to quench that thirst. Some men go into a panic if they don’t have one. Even with one foot in the grave, they are scouting for willing skirts and they are not above paying for it. A very dear friend of mine once confided that he would be willing to pay for it in his seventies or eighties, because, if he could get it up at that age, even with the help of the little blue pill, he would. What’s life all about at that age, anyway?
Love, on the other hand, he said, was highly overrated. You don’t need love to exist, just as you don’t need marriage in order to have sex. If the truth be known, once you have found love, you should count your blessings, because it isn’t always repeated. So if you can get sex without love, why buy the milk? – a very cynical view, if you ask me, but then again men see life differently than women do. They can be callous unless they are struck by Cupid’s arrow and then it is quite a different granola.
Have you ever seen how men in love behave? All reasoning flies through the window. They are enslaved. They pursue you. They wine you and dine you. They can’t wait to get home to you. I marvel at how we stupidly lose that, once we settle into a relationship. To me, when you love someone, you ought to celebrate that love every waking moment. You should shower your man with love and attention. You should tantalise him not only in the morning, but at lunch-time or even tea-time, not to mention bedtime. And don’t speak about the children. Necessity, they say, is the mother of invention, so you should be constantly inventing ways to get him worshipping at your temple! I know. I am incurably romantic!
So love will drive a man for a while, but, after the novelty wears off, he will go back to sex and plan his strategy to have it as often as he can, and, that’s why, my friends, as wives and girlfriends we need to be ready. Far too many of us turn our backs on our man when he comes to bed rearing to go and then wonder why men stray. If you want your man, the only thing that should stop you from giving him what he wants is a sick bed!
Far too many women retire from sex, once they reach their forties, fifties or sixties. What do we expect our men to do? Play marbles? They need and want constant reassurance and I would suggest that older women learn to inject a little sexual healing. Marvin Gaye was right, you know. You can’t go wrong, if you kill him with it! Believe me, he will eagerly anticipate that death! I am yet to meet a man at any age who isn’t after sex. Even, in his rocking chair, a man’s brain is racing at a hundred miles an hour on what ifs and what used to be.
I challenge every woman to ask her man what drives him. Is it love or is it sex or is it both? You might be pleasantly surprised. Happy sexual aerobics!
Joy Crawford is an attorney-at-law
