Selecting CXC subjects with your child: a parent’s guide

It’s that time of year again, when high school grade 9ers begin to select the subjects they will pursue at the CXC O’levels, and for many, their future career path. Many parents find this time a bit stressful, with their values, ambitions and hopes coming into conflict with those of their teenagers, but making these decisions doesn’t have to be a fight.

When your child announces to you that he or she wants to follow a career path that does not match your ideals, you may initially feel disappointed. Let’s say your daughter declares that she wants to be an artist, this after you’ve long planned – financially and emotionally – for the time when you can boast to all your friends that she’s just done with Medical School.

You are probably wondering if working as an artist will bring her the status that being a doctor would. Will she be able to support herself financially? And where is the stability in getting work?

These are all reasonable concerns.

Still, there are other factors to consider. Yes, being a doctor is a great career but have you considered if being a doctor is the right career choice for your daughter? Remember to bear in mind that each of us is unique. We each have different gifts and abilities given to us by God.

Many children have an idea from an early age what they want to do as a career and when they achieve their dream are happy and successful. Many don’t, though, so as a parent, you have a very important role to play in this decision-making process. Your role, however, should not extend to imposing your will unilaterally. If you insist that your daughter does subjects that will lead her to become a doctor when she really wants to do the arts, you could end up with a child who struggles with the subjects, is unhappy, loses confidence or self-esteem and may eventually come to resent you.

More often than not, when a child is forced to do subjects that will not lead to his or her career choice they eventually end up pursuing their original career choice, but at a later time. While it’s a seemingly happy ending, it’s expensive in terms of money and time spent on the subjects your daughter did not want to do, unnecessary stress for all concerned, and additional time and money to refocus her true career ambitions.

To help you come to terms with your daughter’s choice of career take time out to listen to her and discuss her reasons for wanting to be an artist. You may have done this already, but do it again, this time with an open mind. Suspend your own judgments on why being a doctor would be a better choice.

The key here is to listen – and really listen – to get what your daughter is saying. Give her feedback on what she has said so that she knows that you have listened and understood the reasons for her choice.

You should be able to see for yourself the type of work your daughter has produced to know if she is making the right decision. If you’re still not sure, speak with her teachers and the guidance counsellors at school to help evaluate which subjects your daughter is interested in and capable of excelling at.

Doing the exercise in this way will give you a new perspective on the situation and put your mind at ease. You can also support your daughter by helping her to research her chosen field to see the different areas she can pursue and to find out the advantages and disadvantages of working in her chosen field. Maybe at the end of the exercise, she will have a different point of view!

I am sure that becoming and being a doctor is not easy. Every career has its good and bad points. The key to making any career work is to love what you do so that when the difficult times come along you will be able to handle them a lot easier, and persevere.

If after doing the above you are still having difficulty with your daughter’s choice, you may need to seek independent advice, as there maybe something other than the well-being and happiness of your daughter causing you to hold onto your position.

Through this whole period, be supportive, and don’t beat up on yourself if things don’t ultimately go your way. Remind yourself of why this is even an issue in the first place – because you are a caring parent and want the best for your child. Give yourself a pat on the back for raising a child who is confident and clear about what she wants for her future. Keep on caring and at the same time keep an open mind of the opportunities being an artist can bring.

Christine Morris is an Accredited Business and Life Coach trained at the Life Coaching Academy in Portsmouth, England. Send questions or comments by e-mail to christinemorriscoach@yahoo.com, fax to 968-2025, or call 883-6881.