The de-pantsing of the Jamaican male
Javier is a 20-something-year-old bachelor, an expert in the nature of the modern man. He is adamant about not settling for the many varieties of Miss Wrong out there and, week by week, will clue you our readers in on what men really want – and what really goes on in those heads of theirs. Here’s a peek into the mind of a single guy.
If you take a look at some men when they’re out with their women, it’s a little disheartening to watch. Their backs are bent and their eyes are glazed over, kinda like lions in zoos that have lost the will to hunt. Why are they looking like this? It’s simple. They’ve been de-pantsed.
That, of course, begs the question of how they lost their pants to begin with, and the answer to that is – they gave them away. Consider a fixed deposit savings scheme. You put some money in the bank, telling yourself you’re not going to touch it for a couple of years, let it grow some interest – hey it’s a long term investment.
With men and their pants (pants being their independent selves for those of you still guessing) it’s kinda the same thing.
You see, they give their pants away to women expecting to get them back sometime in the future, and with a high rate of female interest. Problem is, however, that a lot of the time most men don’t bother to check on their pants after they’ve given, or rather loaned, them out. What happens is that a lot of guys (and girls) suppress their personalities ’cause they’re trying not to screw it up with a prospective mate.
They go everywhere that person wants to go, do everything that person wants to do, all the while forgoing any interests that they may have. This, because they desperately want to set themselves up as perfect for that other person. And with every passing day, their percentage share of their pants gets smaller and smaller.
I have a friend (and I swear this is the truth) who was after this girl and lied and told her that he did the subjects she did, trying to get some leverage with her. He’d spend hours studying with her, even ignoring studying for his own subjects. He did History, Economics and Geography and she did Biology, Chemistry and Physics.
Needless to say, when exam time came around he got screwed.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s never good to ignore what you want to do and spend time doing something your significant other wants, ’cause compromise and sacrifice are what it’s all about. But don’t go ‘smalling up’ yourself just ’cause you want someone to like you. It will bite you in the rear and you won’t have any pants to cover it, guaranteed. Likewise for the ladies.
How do you get your pants back? That part is not so simple, because you can’t just go take your pants back. Having gotten used to you behaving a certain way, your girlfriend will start to get confused by you if you start making drastic changes in your personality. That can lead to arguments and a whole lot of other stuff us guys don’t need to be dealing with. You’re going to have to use the dreaded ‘C’ word, ‘communication’. You’re going to have to sit and talk it out.
For the guys who haven’t lost their pants yet, be smart and keep ’em on. Cause you don’t want to be caught at the movies always waiting to see chick flicks, or at worst, making monthly trips to the local grocery store to buy feminine products. Do yourselves a favour and take care of your pants.
A question for Javier
Is it true that a man can’t have sex with a woman unless he has some emotional feelings for her?
Well the answer to that question is definitely no for both men and women, otherwise there’d be no need for the oldest profession in the world. According to some guys, having no emotional attachment to a woman makes it that much easier to sleep with her. You don’t have to consider their feelings or whether you’re pleasing them, it’s all about you. A lot of guys find the whole selfishness of it real intriguing.
As far as relationships go though, if a guy is really into his girl, although thoughts of sleeping with other women will enter his mind, he won’t act on them because it obviously won’t be fair to his woman.
Just the same, we all know that some guys can have a bonafide girlfriend and still have women on the side. There is no great psychological explanation for scenarios like these, they’re real simple to explain. He’s just not into the idea of committing to one woman sexually. He however finds in his girlfriend someone kinda like his male friends, somebody he can confide in about all the stuff he’s dealing with, and that’s why he’ll never leave her.
That said, ladies, you can tell when your man is cheating, the question is whether you can deal with it. Don’t be fooled, he won’t change into Mr Fully Committed unless he wants to, no matter what you do.
In spite of all that I’ve said, there are a lot of men who can’t sleep with a woman unless they’ve made some kind of emotional connection. Guys like that are looking for that Sunday morning kind of relationship. Sad thing is that a lot of these guys get put in the category of ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ by women, and we all know where nice guys finish.Your problems are never too huge, too weird or too small for Javier. Want to know what your guy is really thinking? Email your questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com, write to allwoman c/o The Jamaica Observer, 40-421/2 Beechwood Avenue, Kingston 5 or fax 968-2025.
