Hook him and reel him in

Bet you’ve been wondering why, after reading those help-me-find-a-man books, dousing yourself with perfume and going to the clubs all dressed up, you’re still single. Manless. On the hunt.

You’ve heard the stories – all the good men are married, gay, poor or ugly – and you must have wondered, with all the women out there who seem successful at it, what are they doing right, and what are you doing wrong?

How do you become a man magnet? How do you nab that cutie and keep him? How do you stand out from the crowd, and how do you, if you’re already in a relationship, get your guy to put down the remote, remove his hand from his crotch, put the beer aside and notice you?

Internationally acclaimed relationship psychologist Dr Phil McGraw’s advice centres around the golden rule – avoid being desperate.

“Don’t act desperate,” he said in an article Single and sick of it. “Send a message that you ‘want to’ be in a relationship – not that you’ve ‘got to.’ Even if you hear your biological clock, it need not tick loudly enough for every eligible man to hear it!”

all woman scouted around town and found a few more tips for you. And guess what? That pretty young thing? She isn’t getting all the guys because she’s hot, flexible and nubile, it may just be because she has worked on her self-esteem and embraced her inner sex kitten.

Yvette James, owner of Intimate Occasions, an adult novelty store on Little Premier Plaza, advises that women call forth their inner sirens, and show their men or potential mates their fun sides before someone else does.

Said she:

1. You have to be spontaneous. You have to be able to excite your partner by adding novelty during foreplay. Be a go-go dancer in the bedroom. Every woman should try this.

2. Surprise him with candles, petals leading to the bedroom, a hot Jacuzzi or a massage with edible oils. If you don’t do this, someone else out there will use it on him.

3. Help those men who can’t attain erections. There are enhancing sprays, creams and pumps sold locally that work wonders for men with problems.

4. For those more timid, games like romance card games are available for you and your lover to play.

5. Buy your whips and handcuffs (though she admits that Jamaican men seem to have a phobia about being cuffed) for a fun time.

6. Use toys like vibrating condoms which are a sure orgasm booster; and most importantly of all, before you try any of these;

7. Have high self-esteem. This is the ultimate. Men are turned off by women with low self-esteem. Once you put on the table that not everyone can get you and that they have to work at it, it enhances the thrill of the chase. When they become the hunter instead of the hunted, then you can show them your freaky side and slowly reel them in.

And agreed family therapist and associate at the Family Life Ministries Kevin Bailey:

“Essentially you need to have good self-image, be healthy spiritually and emotionally. Do self-evaluation, look at your past experiences which may have affected your self-esteem and resolve abuse issues.”

After you’ve done this, either by yourself or with help from a counsellor, the real work begins.

He cautions:

1. Be real. When you’re real, you’re comfortable and confident and when you’re confident you’re nice to be near.

2. Be healthy, encouraging, positive and ambitious and you’ll attract like people.

3. Present your best self forward. Work on your physical appearance, you have to be attractive. Look at your personal hygiene, hair, makeup and what accessories make you look better. “Men can’t see your heart at first,” he said. “Image is important, they want to see an attractive person.”

4. Men want a good conversationalist who is ladylike, ambitious and focused with a good sense of humour.

5. Value yourself. Men will play around but they’re interested in serious relationships with women who value themselves and don’t come easy.

6. Be calm, flexible and adaptable. Men by nature are hunters and they don’t like monotony. Be interesting, be interested in his career and his hobbies.

7. Respect him. Men have fragile egos and should not be compared to any other man, whether it’s your father, pastor or physician.

8. The number one need in relationships is sex for men and affection for women; but women can’t give sex without affection and men can’t give affection without sex. Ensure that he gets enough sex and you’ll get enough attention.

9. The more you pursue him is the more he’ll run. Draw back. When you pursue you cheapen yourself, when you draw back your stakes start to rise.