I almost slept with my sister’s man

Dear RB,

There is no one else to ask for advice. I am 23, and I have an older sister that I really care about, but we weren’t close until she had her first and only child, whom I totally adore. As a result of this child, I have been spending a lot of time at her house. Hence, the relationship with her baby-father, has grown.

I think he is really nice and sometimes I think she could treat him a lot better. Anyway, the most unthinkable thing happened one day at my sister’s house. Her baby father made a pass at me. We started kissing, but after realising what I was doing, I tried to stop him, but he didn’t want to and we almost had sex. Ever since it happened I can’t stop thinking about it.

They are going through some problems now, and I take half of the blame because I kind of wanted to break them up. I think it’s terrible of me to be having sexual feelings about my sister’s baby father. I told him that he made me uncomfortable and I was upset at what he did. But the truth is I wanted to, but was just scared to give in.

-Wicked Sister-In-Law

Dear Wicked Sister-In-Law,

I am assuming that you are asking me to suggest what you should do now. I think that you and your brother-in-law are quite dreadful. There is no excuse for your behaviour, none at all. You have betrayed your sister. Further, you have jeopardised the future of that little child whom you claim to love. Shame on both of you. And please resist blaming it all on him.

I would suggest that you invent an excuse for distancing yourself from your sister’s home and family immediately. It cannot be easy for your sister to be trying to run her home, raise her child, keep her child’s father happy and do this in the shadow of your affair with the man in her life. You need to get out of this woman’s life now. And please resist telling me that she does not know about the affair! I hope that she never has to confront either of you on this subject.

PS. And don’t tell me that I am a prude. I am not. I, however, object to treating one’s own sister this badly.

Depressed at Christmas

Dear RB,

Every time Christmas comes around I find myself without a steady boyfriend and then I start panicking over the New Year, my birthday and Valentine’s Day.

Christmas for me is one of the most depressing times of the year, because as long as I can remember, I have never had a mate around that time. As soon as the season passes, I usually get together with someone, but somehow, we always break up before any of these important days. This Christmas/New Year will be the same thing. How do you suggest that I get out of the depression?

-Depressed

Dear Depressed,

Yours is a very familiar cry. Many of us are alone at this time of year and at other important holidays. Some guy friends of mine once told me that guys break up with their steady girlfriends at this time of year because they do not wish to spend money on a good present!

But to your question, how to get through the season … May I suggest that you put together a group of single friends, men and women, and plan your activities around this group? You will find that if you travel together as a group, you will be able to have a lot of fun. Further, you will have a lot of people to dance with and talk to and to your amazement, you may be the envy of many observing your little group. Have a great holiday.

He needs to find his own girl now

Dear RB,

I need some advice for my son. I raised him alone, and was very protective of him all his life. I have done everything for him, and I admit that I should have let him know about life earlier.

But lately I want to let go of the reins, but he won’t let me. I pick him up from work everyday – he’s 24 – and we socialise only with each other. I would like him to find a girl to marry, but he seems scared to venture out into the world without me. What should I do?

– Mom

Dear Mom,

I do not want to be hard on you, because from your letter, you seem to have come to know that you have done great harm to your son. The truth is that you have made your son dependent on you, and now he cannot leave you, because he has no experience. And to make matters worse, the chances are that no young woman can fulfil the expectations he has of women, because of your long years of indulging him.

I suggest that you help your son find a therapist. This individual may be able to help him grow in some of the ways that are necessary if he is to get on with his life. In addition, I would suggest that you work with the counsellor to get ideas about how to help prod your son from the nest. It may not be too hard a task, but please get started as soon as possible.

Need no-frills advice about relationships, sex or just about anything else? Send questions to RB Samuels c/o all woman, 42 Beechwood Ave. Kgn 5; via email to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com or

fax 968-2025.