Too young to be a mom

IT’S something Beverly Anderson said you wouldn’t understand unless you’re a mother. The decision for her was easy. She believed that ultimately, protecting her daughter’s future was the important thing, and at 14-years-old, she took the young girl to her family physician and got her on the Pill.

Though the child did eventually get pregnant at 18, Anderson is confident that only quick action on her part prevented her from getting ‘caught’ earlier.

“You give birth to them, you decide everything for them, and then they become teenagers and everything changes,” she tells all woman. “Then when they come to you with an issue, a sexual, adult issue, you just act, because you’re the parent.”

In her case, her 14-year-old had come to her complaining of under-the-belt issues, a problem diagnosed by her doctor as gonnorrhoea. It was only then that she realised that not only was her teen having sex, but she was having unprotected, risky sex.

“She told me that the guy didn’t want to use condoms.

I threatened to report him to the police, but she threatened to run away. I dropped her off and picked her up from school everyday after that, she didn’t go out for about three months, and then she came to me again, crying, saying that she thought she was pregnant. I still don’t even know when she got a chance to see the boy.”

Anderson said that it was then that she realised that hard talk wasn’t going to help her daughter, and on the advice of a friend, took the teen to the doctor again, who after removing the pregnancy doubts, immediately placed her on the Pill.

“My greatest fear was that she would get pregnant. I needed for her to finish high school. Obviously, I couldn’t stop her from having sex or force them to use a condom, so I did the best thing I could,” Anderson said.

It’s an issue that sparks rousing debates. Would you put your sexually active teenager on birth control if all efforts at getting her to cease sexual activity fails? Should you?

In January, the mother of a 15-year-old girl who gave birth to a 21-year-old man’s baby was chided by Spanish Town Resident Magistrate Lorna Errar Gayle for giving birth control to the teenager.

The mother was arrested on a charge of negligence after the birth, and in court, she explained to the judge that she had been giving her daughter birth control pills since she was 14-years-old because she knew that she was sexually active.

Gayle decried the mother’s actions, citing a breakdown in society’s value system.

“That’s rubbish,” said Anderson to the judge’s response. “As I said, unless you’re a parent caught between a rock and a hard place, with a child who will not listen to reason, you’ll never understand.”

While Jamaican law allows that the age of consent is 16, and any man found in a relationship with a juvenile is bound for prosecution under the carnal abuse act, fact is, the incidence of teen pregnancy continues to be an issue, and the number of teen mothers grows daily.

Just ask Zoe Simpson of the Women’s Centre how much of a crisis it is. Or refer to recent figures coming out of Parliament which shows that of 45,000 children born in Jamaica each year, 20 per cent are to teenage mothers 19 years and younger.

Or ask Dorothea Durrant, who is putting her 13- year-old on the Pill, because according to her, one pregnancy scare is one too many.

Simpson, the director of field operations at the Women’s Centre, told all woman that on an average, 1,500 pregnant girls up to the age of 17 are seen by the centre each year.

“Our teenagers are sexually active, there is no denying that. This is quite obvious from the number we see each year,” she said. “It blows the minds of the parents who come to us with their child to know that the child is actually having sex, because as parents they tend not to know.”

Oftentimes, it is only after pregnancy, she said, that the parent has knowledge of the child’s sexual behaviour.

“She was getting fat and I suspected pregnancy immediately,” Durrant said. “I asked her, ‘ah breed yuh a breed?’ and she said she hadn’t seen Aunt Flo. I bought the test at the wholesale and I almost drop down after the results. I bawled and bawled. This was my washbelly, the one in the good school.”

She said that in the fourth month, her daughter lost the baby, a direct intervention from God, she said, who had little choice but to step in, after nights and nights of fasting and praying.

“The good thing is that the school didn’t find out yet and we didn’t have to say a thing,” Durrant said. “As soon as that baby came out, I took her to the doctor. If it was up to me I would tie her off, but we put her on the injection, and every three months I follow her to get her injection. I’m not taking any more chances, even though she says she’s not having sex anymore.”

Conceded Susanne Williams, “It’s something I endorse, and I’m living proof that it works. In fact, I went further. My daughter was in fourth form when I realised she was having sex. I just sat down and talked with her.

She told me to my face that she had no plans to stop. I said what the heck! I took her to my doctor and we put her on the Pill. Then I invited the boy over and told him he could stay over as much as he wanted. I thought that if she was having sex, she may as well have it in a clean, safe place. That was nine years ago. She was 16. Today she and that same boy are married with twin daughters.”

Said Simpson: “In my opinion, I think giving the child contraceptive is a sensible thing to do. As parents, we need to initiate conversation with our children. Be open and honest, and have a frank discussion.

Make the child aware of the possibilities of sexual intercourse and also make them aware that if they cannot wait or are cornered, then there is the option of contraceptives.”

She added: “To be forewarned is to be forearmed. So parents need to discuss the issue with their children and then take the initiative to discuss contraceptives.”

She noted that it is always a possibility that the child can abstain from sexual intercourse even after he/she has started, but this depends largely on the relationship between the parent and child.

“If she had a good relationship with her parents in the first place, chances are she wouldn’t have become pregnant,” Simpson pointed out.

Opposers of the contraceptive plan have cited several reasons, including that a child under 16 shouldn’t be sexually active since it’s illegal, as well as the medical risks of early sex which include cervical cancer.

Then there are the moral issues – children who are sexually active do not usually form any lasting relationships and so counselling is suggested before such a decision is made.

But said Anderson’s daughter Nicole: “I respect what my mother did for me. I mean at that age, nobody could talk to me about sex, so I’m glad that she forced me to take the Pill. Now, looking back, I’ve realised that it was not right to be having sex so young, but I realised this only recently. If my mother hadn’t stepped in, I would be one of those teenage mothers now, without a job and without any prospects.”

A national survey conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation and Children Now in the US found that children whose parents are more open in their discussions about sex and sexuality are less likely to become sexually active at a young age.

The idea is that children who feel they can approach their parents with questions will get factual information and feel less compelled to seek out answers through their own experiences.

While condoms will protect against diseases, at the Women’s Centre, girls, along with their parents, are educated on the different contraceptive options with the guidance of a medical practitioner who will help both parent and child decide on the best method to use. Choices such as IUCD, injection, pill and to a smaller extent the Norplant are given.

-allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com

VOX POP:

Would you give your teen daughter contraceptives if you found out that she is sexually active and if all your efforts at getting her to stop failed?

Orville Munroe, father of a boy and five-year-old girl:

I would definitely put her on a contraceptive. It is better to prevent her getting pregnant than to have her add to the breakdown in society with teen pregnancy. Who would end up caring for the child? People nowadays are too uptight about condoms and birth control.

Kevin Reynolds, father of a four-year-old daughter:

Yes I would give my daughter birth control. I wouldn’t want her having a child at a young age. There’s nothing wrong with doing that.

Michelle Hyde, no children yet:

If there is no other alternative, what are you going to do? I would give her the contraceptive and get counselling for her at the same time.

Monica Bennett, mother of a boy and seven-year-old girl:

Yes, I would put her on it because I wouldn’t want her to get pregnant. And maybe the person she is getting pregnant for can’t even maintain the child. But I will be growing up my child in a Christian way so that won’t happen to me.