Is she really just a friend?

“HONEY, she’s just a friend,” he’ll say, giving you that innocent, perplexed look, that bit of shock, the how-could-you-believe-otherwise expression. Many women have had to contend with this guy’s girl, their guy’s best friend, a buddy he refuses to give up, no matter how uncomfortable you get.

He’ll say she’s just one of the guys, she may love sports, camping, and the like, and he’ll say there’s absolutely no attraction there. And sure, you may believe it when she looks just as butch as your guy does, but what happens when she’s a ‘hottie’? You don’t want to seem jealous, but heck, she’s a girl after all, and he’s just an easily tempted guy.

Last we we asked for your stories. How have you dealt with your guy’s female friends? Have you had a bad experience with a girl he claimed was just a friend? Or are you still trying to get this third wheel out of your life? Here’s what you said.

I live in the Cayman Islands and my baby’s father is Jamaican and he is best friend to this pretty Jamaican girl who works in the same office he does. I was jealous the first time I met her, because I believed there was no way that he could just be friends with someone that attractive.

She is also very intelligent and they have a lot in common. They watch movies together and around them, I always feel like the third wheel. I can only trust him, as I realised very early that he would not break the friendship up for anyone. It’s hard being jealous all the time, but I can only hope that I can trust them.

-Arlene

I am with a guy who I consider to be very attractive, as do many other women. When I met him I was fully aware that he had both male and female friends alike, but I did not realise that he had that many female friends.

In all honesty, this made me feel very uncomfortable because some of them just appeared to be all up in his face and his world. I have never been in any situation where I’ve felt excessively threatened, but I am fully aware that quite a few of them would want to be with him. To maintain my own peace of mind, I basically try to keep a level head and remind myself that before we were a couple, there was just him, so I have to respect his space. I have never tried to push any of these so-called “friends” out of his life, but I do have my times when I get insecure and jealous, which to me is very natural.

My advice to all women is to trust the relationship you are in; be rational; maintain your integrity and if you are tempted to get CRAZY jealous, just remember no guy is worth that kind of energy. If these female “friends” want to cross the line, then that’s a whole different story. Lastly, my advice to the guys is to respect your girlfriends and make sure that you balance your life in such a way that she knows of the extra-special place she holds in your life, which no one, not even your female friends, can interfere with.

– Zee

I don’t quite fit into the category of the women you wanted to respond to your questions. I, however, fall into the category of the female friend and I wanted to share my little story on that. He was my best friend, almost like the big brother I never had. I’ve known him all my life but we didn’t become closer ’til I was older. He was there for me to share my day with, my dreams and my aspirations.

There was nothing romantic about our relationship, just a pretty good friendship. Pretty soon he had a girlfriend. I was happy for him. She seemed like a wonderful girl. After a while I started noticing that some little things began changing. The pictures he had of me were removed from his photo album and whenever he was on the phone with her he didn’t want to mention that I was there. Eventually he told me that his girlfriend didn’t like our friendship. She just didn’t want him hanging around me anymore.

I thought she was being too insecure and silly. I couldn’t imagine anyone being jealous of me, after all, I was just a harmless little filly. Their relationship went on for some years and our friendship continued even then. There were times he was on the phone with me and she would move to where he is to overhear the conversation.

She and I had somewhat of a friendship too, but she never made mention of her insecurities until near the ending of their relationship. I called her up one day so we could grab lunch. Halfway into the conversation she blurted out, “Are you in love with my boyfriend?” I set the record straight for her, confirming everything that he already told her.

There was nothing going on between us, just a friendship. She confessed on the phone how she had felt for years. She mentioned that she never really understood our friendship, which led to her insecurity and jealousy. I was sad to see their relationship end, but relieved that I wasn’t the cause.

Girlfriends and boyfriends came and went for both of us, but we still remain good friends to this day.

-SF

Truly hairy moments

Have you had any of those hairy experiences – weave falling out in the middle of a makeout session; dye job gone horribly wrong; your guy discovering a forest under your armpits; realising that you forgot to shave for that gyno visit? Share your most fun or embarrassing hair moments with us at allwomanjaobs@yahoo.com.