Curious virgin

Dear RB,

I’m a 35-year-old Christian woman who is also a virgin. I don’t see myself getting married for a few more years but my friends keep saying I should hurry up because the oil in my back will dry up.

I don’t want to go back to meet God the same way He sent me here, but is there any truth behind the oil thing? And am I really missing out on anything by not having sex?

– Curious

Dear Curious,

I am told that the oil in the back story has something to do with being able to have children. As such, I think I understand why your friends have told you this story. Let me tell you what is true. Having sex and babies for the first time after a certain age, becomes more and more complicated. It is not that it is impossible, but it becomes more complicated.

I believe that your friends are saying that you should get a move on if you want to have sex and children, as each year that passes makes it harder. You should also talk to your doctor about your concerns. I am assuming that you have a regular medical check-up. If you don’t, find one immediately.

As to whether or not you are missing much by not having sex, the thing is that the answer to this question is truly dependent on the individual. Sex is very enjoyable, a real gift from our maker. Sex with someone you really like is quite something. But there is not much really good sex around. As I hear it, there is a lot of ‘slam-bam, thank-you-maam’ sex around.

So if there is someone with whom you really want to have sex, whom you believe will be gentle with you, then it could be wonderful. Otherwise, it is likely to be very painful, unsatisfying and of short duration. So you decide if you are missing out on anything.

What would he want with me?

Dear RB,

I am a single mother with six children and I have been working to support them with little or no help from their father. I don’t look for handouts and I work to make sure that my children have all that they want.

I recently met a man who is interested in

me, and he says he wants to marry me and be a father to my children. The only problem is that I’ve been hurt before and I have no idea what this man would want with a woman

who has so many kids, when he could find better elsewhere.

It’s hard for me to believe that he’s madly in love with me, especially since he’s not bad looking and has a job and everything. What do you think? Is it worth a shot to have faith in love again? Or should I send this man on his way and continue with my life?

– Hesitant

Dear Hesitant,

Yours is a very ticklish problem. There is of course no easy answer to your question, but there is a lot to consider. Let me begin with you. Having the approval, support and love of an attractive man you care about is a good thing, and not to be sneezed at.

You my friend, are as entitled to this as anyone else. You are worthy! This man seems to know it, and you should believe him. Try! But as you said, you have had your knocks and you have the memories. So make sure that your response to this man reflects your experience and knowledge.

You know that you must ask questions, look the answers in the eye and face what you know to be true. I would say that you should do the work, because it is not right to send him away if you care about him. But this also affects your family, your six children. Brave woman! You must keep in your mind that your children depend on you for care and protection. Do not let them down. Ensure that you understand this man and his intentions and his relationship with your children. Go very carefully and err on the side of caution.

Also keep in mind that your children are forming their ideas about relationships, trust and responsibility from watching you. The fact that you are battling on alone and obviously not as trusting as you could be, is also clear to your children.

Whether or not you take up with this man is for you to decide. But whatever you do, you must find a way to learn to love and trust again, so that you can be more fulfilled and show your children how to establish appropriate relationships. Good luck.

Need no-frills advice about relationships, sex or just about anything else? Send questions to RB Samuels c/o all woman, 42 Beechwood Ave Kgn 5; via email to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com or fax 968-2025. We’re sorry, but RB cannot provide personal responses…