They don’t like our family
Dear RB,
My husband, myself and our son live together and I can say that we have the perfect family. I have no complaints, except for my friends and neighbours who seem like they want to break us up.
They’ll spread rumours to me about my husband and to my husband about me. We had a few arguments before we realised what was going on. The fact that we communicate had a lot to do with the fact that this did not escalate. We now realise that the people around us may not have our best interests at heart. We just moved to the community and everything else is fine, but I want to know how I can tell them all to mind their own business, without cutting them off from my family.
-Dismayed
Dear Dismayed,
I am glad that the relationship between yourself and your family is such that it has been able to withstand this onslaught from your friends and neighbours. It is quite often the case that one’s friends and neighbours turn out to be the enemy. You have found yourself in such a pickle, and it is very important that you understand the situation.
The fact that you have been able to avoid a major conflict with your husband despite these rumours, is a good thing. My sense is that the thing to do now is ensure that this problem is aired among your family members and that you ensure that each of you is alert to this kind of mischief making.
My other suggestion is that you say nothing to no one.
You live in a community. You are not always at home, it is important to have neighbours keeping an eye on things. It is not useful to antagonise your neighbours. A long time ago a great thinker told us to keep our friends close and our enemies closer. Try to apply this principle to your current situation. Be polite and friendly to your neighbours, but keep your business to yourself and resist any unnecessary interaction. Good luck.
Our partying husbands
Dear RB,
My friend and I were having a discussion about our husbands who relish the fact that they have wives who aren’t fussy about the fact that they are on the road partying and everything. It’s like when they call us they always want to know where we are, and when we tell them that we are home they feel justified. So my question to you is this, why is it women more often than not like to stay home and men love to stay on the road? After a long/hard day at work I usually just want to go home and relax but often my husband finds everywhere else to be except at home.
-Curious
Dear Curious,
You and your friend are good women, who understand that their men need friends and that they need to be out with their friends. They have no responsibilities at home, besides providing the money. Thus they can reasonably expect you to take care of the home, the children, the sick child, the school, the doctor, the broken pipe, the PTA, the in-laws, the church, the kids’ parties, the parents, housekeeping … and of course you can drive so you can get around.
They are free. Right? Do you see where I’m going with this? Many women, you included, have given men permission to spend all their waking hours with their colleagues at work and then hang out with their friends in bars or parties, or wherever. Now do not misunderstand me, I believe in drinking and fete. Maybe too much!
But as I understand it, a husband has responsibilities to his wife and family. If husbands are not at home at least some times, taking care of their responsibilities to their families, I can only assume that they do not consider these responsibilities important. It is reasonable to assume that these responsibilities cannot be as important as their responsibilities to their friends.
So to answer your question, why is it women more often than not like to stay home and men love to stay on the road, the answer is simple. Women have jobs at work and at home which their bosses and their husbands expect them to finish. Women must therefore be at work and later at home till these jobs are done. Men only have jobs at work and when that is finished their only responsibilities are to their friends. Thus if they are not at work, they are on the road. Simple!
Puzzling new fellow
Dear RB,
I’m 22 and met a man who is 45 who says he’s ‘separated’. He lives abroad but works in Jamaica and he is chasing me. I don’t know what to do. He says he is getting a divorce but you know you can never trust these things! I have no problem with his age, just his marital status. What do you suggest?
-Twenty-two
Dear Twenty-two,
I am glad you’ve written this interesting scenario and asked this interesting question. This man is looking for a young girl with whom to have sex. He is obviously looking to find a young inexperienced person to be with, who he can get to agree with his scheme.
For reasons known to him, he has chosen you. He wants no new responsibilities, because he is more than likely not separated. I say all of this to say that this poor man seems to have found an unusual young person in you. As I understand what you are saying, you would have sex with him, if he were not married. This could be a shocker to him, as I believe that he thinks that you will have sex with him because he has resources and a wife who is far away!
May I suggest that you avoid this man entirely? He is more than twice your age and you do not seem particularly impressed with him. Ask a guy friend closer to your age to meet for a drink where you know this 45 year old hangs out. Tell him that you are not interested. I believe that that will be enough. Please try to avoid these encumbrances and enjoy your youth.
Need no-frills advice about relationships, sex or just about anything else? Send questions to RB Samuels c/o all woman, 42 Beechwood Ave Kgn 5; via email to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com or fax 968-2025. We’re sorry, but RB cannot provide personal responses.
