Giving her the Big O

IN the book Orgasms for Two sexuality expert Betty Dodson suggests:

1. Broadening the definition of ‘partnersex’ to include some form of direct stimulation of a woman’s clitoris either manually or with a vibrator during heterosexual lovemaking.

“It’s been my observation that a little appetiser of kissing, breast fondling, and clitoral touching before the main course of penetration is seldom enough to satisfy the sexual appetite of most red-blooded women,” Dodson says. “Just as a man’s penis gets consistent contact during penis/vagina sex, many women also want consistent clitoral contact throughout the entire act.”

2. Good sex requires a man who has learned ejaculatory control through the practice of masturbation and a woman who’s learned her orgasmic response the same way.

3. Both women and men would be happier and society less violent if everyone took a course in Orgasm 101.

McCarthy adds: “Give the woman a lot of affection and you will get more [sexual pleasure] than you can manage.” She said a woman’s ability to give herself to any man is dependent on the amount of affection, appreciation and comfort that she feels. “This doesn’t mean he has to buy her a house or car etc. But do simple things like sending a rose, picking out a little treat, sending a text message, helping with house chores … Your interest and your presence says ‘I am appreciative of you’, ‘I belong to you’, ‘I want to belong to you’, ‘I want to connect with you.'”

“If you do that often enough a woman will give [you herself] more than you can manage, even at times when you need space to breathe. He has to learn to understand her, make her feel free to express herself. Find out what she likes and doesn’t like in bed. Learn about her body and learn to be gentle in your presentation and in your delivery of sex. Not just the slam bam quickie and fast ‘I want an orgasm now’.”