Playing the daddy role

Dear RB,

I am a guy in my early 20s. I met a girl in January and ever since that I can’t seem to get my mind off her. That’s not the only problem. She has a son who is six years old and he likes me very much. Ever since I met her, I’ve been going over to her house very frequently and this has made an impact on her son. When we go out, we take him with us. She said that I am too nice to them and somebody like me is hard to find today.

I try my best to be there for both of them. When I don’t go over to her house, she says that he asks her when I will come over. When I go over to her house, he just gets all excited and jumps on me and he stays by my side all of the time that I’m there. He has never had a father figure and this to him must be strange. At least that’s what I think.

I know that I am young, but this kid is everything that I want my son to be like. Some people say that he looks like me and sometimes ask me if he is my son. And, I say yes he is. He even called me dad, when we went out one time. I treat him like my own son and he really looks up to me. Every night before he sleeps, I read him a bedtime story and stay with him until he falls asleep.

He is a well behaved kid and does what he’s been told to do. I talk to him, man to man, and he is very smart for his age. His mother thinks that I will leave them, just like his father did, but I made a promise to myself and them that I will never leave them. I am part of their lives and nothing will change that. We have a good relationship and we talk about anything. The best part is that I listen to her and think that is the most important thing in a relationship.

I just want to know, do you think this relationship will work out? And, did I make the right choice?

-Daddy

Dear Daddy

I am so pleased that you have found such a loving and worthwhile relationship while you are still so young. I like writing this column, but I am not clairvoyant. So I can’t tell you that this relationship will work and that you have made the right choice. What I will tell you is that a really good relationship happens only when two people decide to have a really good relationship. Passion or love as it is sometimes called, gives such a relationship spice, but it cannot survive on passion alone.

The fact that you have met this woman and her son and want to be in their lives and to build a family, is the most important thing.

But please remember that you are quite young and that this is a big world with many distractions. Make sure that you include other things in your life – an education or training, other activities, entertainments, friendships, family. Your chances of survival are increased when you have the life you want with the things in it that you want and are not pining after anything. So go for it young man. You can only do your best. Good luck

In love with my cousin

Dear RB,

When we were children my cousins and I played ‘dolly house’ and we would all pretend that we were husband and wife and re-enact what we knew our parents did. I know this is all childhood fun, and I know all children experiment but my problem is bigger than that.

The truth is, I’m 28 and I’m in love with my first cousin. He was the first guy to tell me that I’m pretty and I can’t think of any other guy but him. I know my feelings are wrong, but I can’t help it. He is my mother’s sister’s child, but my mother and his mother have different fathers. Is there any way to get around this problem?

– Cousin problem

Dear Cousin problem,

I am sorry to say that the answer is no. You are cousins and sexual contact with your cousin in this modern era is frowned upon. It is too close a relative with whom to have sexual contact. If you were say a member of the royal family in times gone by, you could wed, but you would also have problems with you children.

But since we are at it, may I suggest that you need to get out more.

I know that it is not an easy task to find someone who appreciates you and is prepared to say the words, and it is certainly hard to find someone who appreciates you for whom you feel anything. But the fact is that you may be clinging to this idea of your cousin because the other men you know are not as vocal or appreciative.

Please get some help dealing with this, as the cousin problem is not going to go away. Talk to a counsellor and try to understand some of the reasons for your attachment to your cousin. Please do this soon, as you want to be able to move on.

Need no-frills advice about relationships, sex or just about anything else? Send questions to RB Samuels c/o all woman, 42 Beechwood Ave Kgn 5; via email to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com or fax 968-2025. We’re sorry, but RB cannot provide personal responses.