She’s whip-wielding, naughty and a man’s sweetest fantasy
THERE is often the misconception that women are gentle, helpless creatures who need to be protected from rogues liable to manhandle them. But, according to sex therapist, Dr Sidney McGill, what goes on behind closed doors usually throws that belief out the door.
If, in fact, many of us could be flies on the walls, what we’d see is men in cuffs bound to bedposts; naked sweaty male bodies dangling from ropes; men on their knees bawling ‘please!’, in bedrooms where the woman rules. And, the therapist says, it’s all man’s sweetest fantasy.
“I will dare to say that all men love to have the woman take charge in the bedroom,” Dr McGill tells All Woman. “It takes off the pressure of initiating sex and he does not have to misread whether or not his partner is receptive and into him. This does something to his self-esteem as it means she wants him. It helps to build him.”
‘Just do what you want to me…’
“I like women who will initiate sex and take control,” Paul T confesses. “There is no excitement when you have to be the one to always be in control. The more aggressive she is in her demands, the more it turns me on!”
This, he said, he has tested and proven.
“I used to get involved in all sorts of things. I loved it when she tied me to the bedpost – both hands and feet and then did with me whatever she wanted. Nothing was more exciting than being teased and not able to do anything about it! Then she would blow my mind over and over and I lost all control.”
“For men to learn to surrender in the sex act is a big achievement for a lot of them,” Dr McGill says. Wayne W says he loves to wake up in the middle of the night to find his body being straddled by his woman, to find her in the fellatio position, or to have her look at him and demand that he take her there and then. But, he said, a woman can be his aggressor only if he is attracted her.
“Aggression is good, but it depends on the woman,” he says. “If I am not into her it would be a big turn-off. When a woman is aggressive in the bedroom it makes me feel as if she is into me and really wants me.”
Dr McGill says having a woman who will take charge is a big turn-on for men who also have to prove their qualification as a man inside the bedroom just as he has to do outside of it. But there is a flip side to being an aggressive sex kitten.
“If she is always taking charge, it will become a challenge for the man and her actions may come across as masochistic, which could turn him off completely,” the therapist says.
He said the sex play is sometimes representative of the power dynamics in a relationship – for example, she may seek to indulge him in whatever he wants to do because normally she is submissive to him, or she may have come to know what pleases him and seek to do them without being told.
And while some men are turned on by an aggressive partner, some women feel it is their weapon and means of punishing the man for things he probably did to her outside of the bedroom to which she was unable to physically retaliate.
“Yes! of course I would be aggressive, why not?” Simone M says. “I would tie him up yes, and tease the hell out of him. Make him see ‘it’ before him and can’t get it! I would leave him hanging and walk away and all cut my eye at him before I come back,” she laughs. “I would tease him until him weak!”
Althea S agrees to this concept. “Men always behave as if they are in control, as if they rule you. But get them in the bedroom and you have them bawling like a baby! That is where the woman has the strength and the power so why not use it? Demand what you want and demand how you want him to do it. Because him done know seh if he doesn’t do it, you will not take him to the height he wants to reach!
She adds: “Handcuff him and give them some good lick to! Use all cigarette butt and burn him leg and stomach and give him some little bite. Mek dem realise that in the bedroom a you rule!” . When it comes to the extreme cases such as that mentioned by Althea S, the therapist said this is a case of both masochism and sadism at work.
“This will happen because of either a psychological reason and/or for fun,” he says. “Because for a man to be tied up, it is really leaving himself open to anything the woman wishes to do to him at the time.
“What the woman does in the bedroom is depictive of what goes on in the relationship. She is breaking the social norm of being on the receiving end on a daily basis. In the bedroom she does not have to follow the rules and roles,” Dr McGill says.
