All about Orgasms

THERE have been, since the dawn of time, innumerable questions surrounding orgasms. This is quite understandable, given the amount of pleasure that accompanies the experience. And so, many songs have been penned about it, many books written, many documentaries aired that seek to explain the phenomenon.

An orgasm, according to the internationally renowned Mayo clinic, is “a feeling of intense physical pleasure and released tension, accompanied by involuntary, rhythmic contractions of your pelvic floor muscles”. The nature of experience is different for everyone. The intensity also varies with some persons, and quite unfortunately, some people never experience one.

“Failure to achieve an orgasm is a common complaint among women and only approximately 50 per cent of women really do experience the intense pleasure at the peak of sexual arousal or orgasm with every act of sexual intercourse,” gynaecologist and All Woman columnist Dr Sharmaine Mitchell says. “The other 50 per cent of women need much more intense stimulation other than just penile penetration. Sexual arousal usually occurs following psychological and physical stimulation. This may include sexual stimuli, music, alcohol or drugs.”

What does an orgasm feel like?

Those who claim to have experienced it will tell you that it can be a cross between the Mills and Boon earth-shaking phenomenon and other feelings totally unexplainable. “I used to believe orgasms were a myth until I met Robert, my current boyfriend, Julia Simmonds said. “Now, it’s a mix of fireworks, an earthquake – a blissful experience that no words can truly describe.”

Experts will tell you that orgasms usually feature a sensation of tingling in the spine, brain, and genital areas. Some women relay an experience being on the verge of passing out, others report a level of enjoyment only somewhat less than that of “the earth moving”..

Faking it: How do you know she’s had an orgasm?

Let’s face it, many women (and men) have faked orgasms simply because they want to avoid causing feelings of sexual inadequacy in their partner, or maybe their minds were elsewhere, or maybe they just wanted to boost the man’s ego!

Whatever the reason, it has happened more often than we care to think.

Racquel McCarthy, counselling psychologist and sex adviser on Sex Wise, aired on IRIE FM, said she is not sure of the percentage of women locally who actually fake the act, but that a lot of women do it.

But while it is very easy for women to fake an orgasm, it is also possible to know when your woman has a real one!

Here are some sure-fire ways to tell that she has actually reached a climax.

1 The orgasm itself begins with strong muscle contractions. These contractions can be finished within four seconds or last up to about 15 seconds and occur at intervals of 0.8 seconds. The first muscle contractions are the most intense, and occur at a rate of about one per second.

2 During orgasm, skin flushing generally reaches its maximum while muscles may keep contracting and blood pressure, heart rate and respiratory rate continue to rise. Some women will make sounds that they often cannot hold back.

3At the peak of an orgasm, the entire body may become momentarily rigid.

Guide him

When all is said and done, no one knows how to please you more than you. So why not give your man a helping hand and guide him to giving you your ultimate pleasure.

1 Show him how to stimulate you. The clitoris is the seat of the woman’s sensation but depending on how the man tries to stimulate his woman in that area, it can be more annoying and uncomfortable than anything else. So show him – in a gently way of course – how to excite you there.

2 Encourage more foreplay if necessary. Bearing in mind that some women take forever to reach their climax, it will go a far way to spend some good time in foreplay. Therefore, if she suggests that she wants more time in foreplay don’t fight it, men.

3 Venture in taboo land if you must. Contrary to the impression, there are a lot of women enjoy what is considered taboo sex and for some, it’s the only way that they will be able to enjoy that out-of-body thrill.

Finding her G-spot

A woman’s orgasm can occur in different ways, clitoral, vaginal, or G-spot stimulation. The G-spot is an area on the front wall of the vagina that when stimulated, can cause some women to have an intense orgasm. However, this spot often goes unexplored as some persons do not know how to get to it. The G-spot is said to be a bean shaped mass of nerve tissue located about halfway between the back of the pubic bone and the top of the cervix. The size and location of it will vary from woman to woman, but it is usually about the size of a US quarter, and lies two to three inches inside the vagina directly behind the pubic bone. To find it:

*Have your partner lie down, knees bent and feet flat on the bed, with a small pillow under her buttocks.

*Insert the length of your (lubricated) fingers into her vagina towards her navel. This will be about two inches inside the vagina.

*Press with one or two fingers against the front wall of her vagina.

*When you stimulate the right spot, it will swell the way your penis does.

*Slide your fingers from side to side. Have your partner tell you when you hit the right place. She will be able to tell.

The elusive orgasm

Dr Mitchell says failure to achieve an orgasm may be due to causes such as:

*A lack of knowledge and experience. Some women and men have very little or no knowledge of the areas of the genitals which need to be stimulated to achieve an orgasm.

*Some women believe that their role is to be a passive partner to the “experienced” male, whilst the male is often ashamed to admit that he is a novice in sexual activity.

*Attitudes and beliefs can also affect one’s ability to enjoy sexual activity and achieve an orgasm. Some children are taught to fear and avoid sexual contact and activity. This can have lasting effect on sexual satisfaction and the ability to have an orgasm.

*Hostility to one’s partner and poor interpersonal relations can also cause failure to achieve satisfaction during sexual activity.

*Preoccupation of the mind. If your mind is elsewhere during the act, achieving an orgasm will be more difficult.

Sexual positions that guarantee an orgasm

What’s the point of making love if you can’t enjoy the experience? If the thought of making love seems like a chore, it could be you need to do a little “changing of positions”. Below are some of the tamer tried and proven positions that will ensure you have a mind-blowing experience.

Spoon

Just think of the shape of a spoon and assume that position. Lie down on your side and allow your guy to snuggle up behind you. We’re sure you can take it from there.

Sit on top

In essence, the woman is in charge. She will set the pace and control every moment from her “advantage position”.

Sit in his lap

Making love is more exciting when you add variety to the mix. He can sit in a chair or wherever he chooses and you sit in his lap. You can get at your creative best from there.