Write your ex a letter, then burn it

THERE is no discounting the therapeutic power of writing to express one’s feelings and emotions as it relates to life and psychoneurotic problems such as abuse, desertion and bereavement. While some continue to keep journals to document their hurts and deep-seated issues, the increased accessibility to the Internet has resulted in others turning to blogs and the like to get their feelings out there.

Clinical psychologist Dr Michelle Lewin from the Oxford Medical Centre believes writing can be quite useful, especially in cases where the writer has no way of reaching the person to whom their notes or letters are addressed.

“It is another form of therapy, in that you take what is inside of you and put it on the outside, so you have cleansed yourself of whatever negativity has taken over your being,” she said.

It can also be used by those who feel that sharing their feelings might not be received positively by others with whom they want to share them.

“If you can say it before the person and be received in a positive way that is even better, but there is no guarantee that whatever you have inside of you, that the other person would be receptive to it,” she said.

For those who share their notes openly – as we have carried last week and continue in All Woman below – Dr Lewin says it has a double effect, in that it not only helps the writer, but it also helps the readers. Readers are now made aware that they are not the only one dealing with a particular problem.

“Some people might say ‘putting this out there doesn’t just help me, but by extension helps others and therefore helps me in a double portion. Because if I know that by putting this I am helping others, I can feel good about myself’,” she said.

But while writing a note can lead to the cleansing of the individual, Dr Lewin advocates therapy for complete healing. Even so, destroying the note after it is written can go a bit further in granting the person peace of mind. Some therapists suggest you burn the note or attach it to a balloon and get rid of it.

“It is symbolic in the sense that I have now released you, just as how I have just released this balloon that floats away to nowhere. Whatever negativity I have inside of me with regards to that situation and that person, I have just now released it,” said Dr Lewin.

Here are some more notes.

Don’t do it

Dear Friend,

Don’t marry that guy. You deserve so much more.

– G

I cheated

Dear Michael,

I cheated. I feel really bad, but I can’t tell you because you will hate me. But I’m feeling so guilty about it.

– S

You’re a paedophile

Dear Mr W,

It was wrong for you to try to kiss me all those years ago. I was the same age as your daughter. I still remember the nasty taste of your tongue in my mouth. I think you’re a creep, but I love my friend too much to even this day tell her that her father is a paedophile.

– Leese

To my rapist

You took something from me that I can never ever get back. I still had stars in my eyes thinking about that special moment with my husband to be, when you brutally ripped all that from me. I was only 17 and you took everything from me. For years I had to struggle with the shame and guilt I knew weren’t even mine. Now I am married and I still can’t enjoy that beautiful union because a part of me is still locked up with those bitter memories. If I could see you now I would tear your eyes out. the saddest part of the whole thing is that I could even be talking to you and not know it, ’cause I never really got a good look at your face.

Wherever you are, I hope your soul rots in hell for the pain you inflicted on me.

– JW

Thanks

Dear Elliott,

Thanks for showing me the real you and letting me know that people are not always who you think they are. You taught me a lot about relationships!

– KJ

Why?

Dear Donald,

I thought we could have been friends, now it’s as if I never existed. Why have you forgotten me?

– Deb

Regrets

Dear family,

I really didn’t want this baby. I wish I hadn’t let the pressure get to me. I try, I really try, but I can’t be a good mother to a baby I never wanted.

– Me

Too happy to be bitter

Dear Aaron,

I thought you were my entire world. I could read you so well. I used to think we were made for each other. But apparently I was the only one living under that illusion. Over time you made me feel less than a woman. I used to wonder if something was wrong with me, why you couldn’t love me the way I wanted to be loved. But thanks to your callous treatment, I have met a wonderful Christian man who has shown me what it is to be really loved. Because of your poor treatment, I was able to recognise a great man when I saw him.

I wish you well ’cause I am too happy right now to be bitter.

– CL

Stop calling me!

Dear Andrew,

Stop calling my phone. Stop IMing me. I may have slept with you years ago, but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to sleep with you again now. You weren’t even that good in bed anyway.

– Paulette

Remember this?

Dear Steve,

Remember 10 years ago when you left me for a girl with bigger breasts? When I cried and cried and all you could say was sorry? Why would you think that I would want to get together to have lunch now?

– P

My best friend

Dear Courtney G,

You are my best friend and that is true, but the gift was given from me to you. We went through moments that were good and bad, even moments that were happy and sad. You supported me when I was in tears; we stuck together when we were in fear. It’s really sad that it had to be this way, but it has reached its very last day. Miles away can’t keep us apart, ’cause you’ll always be in my heart.

– Love, Deserey (NYC)

I’m ashamed

Dear little sister,

I wish you hadn’t followed me down this horrible path of unwed motherhood. I can’t tell you how disappointed I am. You may think that I don’t care, but I can’t fake enthusiasm when I feel so ashamed of you.

– Jules