A woman’s story of sexual addiction
WHEN one thinks of compulsive cheating, risky sex and/or one-night stands, it is images of men as the perpetrators that often come to mind. But there are women with this addiction too.
Patricia Thomas, 24, is one such woman.
“I started having sex when I was 15 years old. I wasn’t really fascinated by it because it was really painful. I got no pleasure and wondered what people were so excited about. I didn’t stop having sex though, as it made me feel mature,” she said. “It wasn’t a case where I was in need of any material things or anything, as my family provided for me.”
Then when she was 17 years old, she was brutally raped and beaten while on her way home from a wake in her community. The rapist was one of her sex partner’s uncle. Out of fear and shame, Thomas said she didn’t report the matter to the police.
“Persons believe that my sex drive would decrease by that agonising experience, but instead, my sexual appetite grew. I just couldn’t get enough. I still fantasise about being raped and beaten so I oftentimes engage in bondage sex,” she said.
She has lost count of the number of men she has slept with and admits to having unprotected sex in the past, which resulted in her being a single mother of a five-year-old son. She has also contracted several sexually transmitted diseases and admitted to having group and lesbian sex.
“My friends and family are always encouraging me to get help, but I really don’t think I need any help. I just have a high sex drive, that’s all. Some people are lovers of food, others are addicted to smoking. I love sex,” said a slightly agitated Thomas.
Having sex with more than four partners in a 24-hour span has become a norm for her and the lack of sex for up to four days leaves her feeling miserable and in tears, she said.
“Masturbation alone just does not cut if for me. I have to be satisfied by ‘live’ penetration. I really don’t care about what people have to say about me. Most of them are just haters who are simply jealous of my lifestyle,” insisted Thomas.
Sex therapist Dr Sydney McGill says sexual addiction in women can often be explained by depression, while noting that sex addicts, generally, are in search of a similar high to that being chased by people who are addicted to narcotics.
At the same time, the psychologist said most women, as men, who are addicted to sex, live in denial. However, there are ways to determine conclusively whether one is such an addict. According to McGill, the female sex addict:
* Feels the need to have sex to feel better about her life;
* Has sex so frequently that it interferes with her relationships;
* Masturbates excessively; and
* Is deeply self-indulgent in pornography.
