Playing favourites
EVEN as adults, some people still harbour resentment towards a particular sibling because they feel that that child was better treated by their parents while growing up. Favouritism is a very common problem in families. In Jamaica, the situation has given rise to the term “wash belly” where the youngest child in most cases is given less chores, gets the better choice of clothing or toys and is even given the best food options.
“Usually preference is shown towards the baby in a sense because of the mother’s need to have a little one all the time. But the parent can recognise that they are favouring one child over the other sometimes and try to make correction for this,” child psychiatrist Dr Yvonne Bailey-Davidson said.
Sometimes a parent is also prejudiced towards the child who most mirrors their character and so they show more love and attention to that child. Sometimes too, one child might appeal more to their parent because of their temperament or achievements.
“Circumstances under which the child was born or if the child has a special illness that might require special extra care also causes a parent to show preferential treatment to that child,” Dr Bailey-Davidson explained.
Overt favouritism is usually portrayed in mixed families where there is a step-parent, since a mother or father is usually likely to show more interest in the needs of their own children who they take with them into the relationship. The psychiatrist agrees that favouritism also shows up in households where a mother has children with different men.
“Especially if one particular father is giving her trouble, she is going to hate that child and if the other one is treating her well and everything is going well, then she might prefer that child over the other children. It is a natural human reaction to prefer things that are in your favour,” the doctor said.
But regardless of the circumstances which cause parents to play favourites, the psychologist said the emotional effect on these children usually helps to shape their character and impact on how they relate to the favoured child. Some develop behavioural problems and low self-esteem.
“It can make them angry and resentful and even hate the other child,” said the psychiatrist.
“In families there is always some problem or the other and when the children become adults they have to deal with it, so even when they are adults, the envy and the hate still exist.”
The favoured child suffers as well after years of having their parents do their bidding.
“The issue that develops with them is that they lack responsibility because they were not made to do anything. So when they become adults, they don’t do anything, they don’t function independently,” the doctor said.
