She’s standing by her man

IT’S a position powerful women like Hillary Rodham Clinton has been placed in before, and last week Anne Sinclair joined the list, forced to come out swinging against claims that her husband had raped a hotel maid.

The husband, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, who has since stepped down as head of the International Monetary Fund, was arrested and charged with a criminal sexual act, attempted rape and unlawful imprisonment.

It is early days yet to determine what will become of the Strauss-Kahn case, but Sinclair has made her support clear.

“I do not believe for one second the accusations brought against my husband. I have no doubt his innocence will be established,” Sinclair, a well-known television journalist, said in a statement last Sunday, while calling for decency and restraint in the wake of the recent scandal.

And last week, when Strauss-Kahn got bail, he also got a kiss from his wife.

Entering a courtroom where journalists crammed into all 100 or so public seats, Strauss-Kahn turned to exchange looks with his wife, Anne Sinclair, and his daughter Camille, sitting in the front row, just a few steps away…” the Associated Press reported. “[Then] during a break, Strauss-Kahn again stood up and turned to face the room, he smiled and blew a kiss from his hand. Then in a heartbeat, Sinclair raised her hand to her lips: she blew a kiss back.

“When Strauss-Kahn left — away to spend his last night at Rikers Island — he exchanged one more glance with Sinclair. It was a quiet, closed sort of look this time, a look full of secrets that only a husband and wife can know…,” the report said.

Her stance describes a tableau the public has grown accustomed to, as wives of accused powerful businessmen, politicians, sports personalities and clergymen have declared their husband’s innocence during press conferences, court appearances and on talk shows. And while some might question the support of these women, even after allegations of crimes against other women, psychologist Dr Leachim Semaj asked, “why shouldn’t they?”

“My understanding is that a person is innocent until proven otherwise. The fact that there is a charge against the person does not mean that people who have known them all their lives and known them in other contexts should also make assumptions that that charge has now nullified everything they have know against the person,” he said. “That makes no sense at all.”

Despite claims of her husband’s infidelity, Rodham Clinton stood by former US president Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky sex scandal of the 90s. Even after overwhelming evidence proved his guilt, she went on public platforms condemning the “outrageous” stories and suggested her family was the victim of political conspiracy.

There were wives of other public figures who sat fashionably dressed under the public glare, as their husbands shared the details of their sordid affairs during press conferences meant to reaffirm their images as upstanding citizens.

Dina Matos McGreevey remained supportive after her husband, former New Jersey governor Jim outed himself as a gay; and Silda Wall Spitzer was there when former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer acknowledged he was the client of a call-girl ring.

When Idaho Senator Larry Craig denied trying to elicit sex from an undercover police officer in an airport men’s room, his wife Suzanne stoically stood by his side. Then there was Senator David Vitter whose wife Wendy dutifully stood with him during a news conference as he admitted to soliciting the services of another woman.

This is just in the political arena alone; the wives of basketball players, businessmen and clergymen are too many to name. For these women, the experience can be embarrassing as they stand clothed with submissiveness and humility while their personal lives become topics for tabloids and salon conversations.

“There is a strong sense of embarrassment, but there is a thing in psychology called cognitive dissonance, that if you get to the point where you become part of the crowd which is now condemning this man who is your husband or your confidant or so on, it means now you have to re-evaluate all your life and be willing to throw it away and say ‘my goodness how could I be such a fool to be with such a man all this while?'” explained Dr Semaj.

Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell believes some go along with the public displays of support to show others they are stronger than their personal crisis.

“The wife, in order to save face, will do as Maffi instructed Oliver in the Oliver at Large series ‘just smile and nod’. In other words, the embarrassment might be lessened if she appears to the public as if the situation is not a problem and that she is not impaired by the indiscretions of her husband,” he said. “Public figures are particularly concerned about their image and will project an ‘I am okay’ facade while they are hurting on the inside. They have mastered the art of pretence. They grin and bear it.”

But women like Elin Nordegren were not willing to “save face” and she gave Tiger Woods the boot when she learnt about his infidelities. Neither did the wife of US Governor Mark Sandford who was noticeably absent from her husband’s public confession about his affair with another woman. Instead, she issued a statement saying she had thrown him out and told him to stop speaking to her.

For those wives who are convinced of their husband’s infidelities but remain, Dr Semaj believes they do so after careful analysis of the individual who they have grown to know over the years.

You have known this person in all other kinds of contexts and they have done 10,000 other wonderful things for you. The fact that they did one transgression, for many people it doesn’t nullify the person’s total history. It is the father of your children; it’s your husband for many years…” the psychologist said.

But while some remain after this type of analysis, there are those who stay for other reasons.

“There is also the case where the wife is quite aware of the wayward ways of her husband but because she is totally dependent on him she has to put up with his behaviour. Leaving him would mean walking away from the good life and she can’t afford to give up some benefit that he provides, be it financial, social or sexual. So she lives a life of denial and suffers deep emotional hurt,” Powell explained.

Dr Semaj, like many, is waiting to see what will come of the Strauss-Kahn case before offering any judgment.

“I am waiting to hear the details, all we are hearing about are charges,” he said. “It’s a very, very common thing that in the United States especially, the laws are so tipped to one direction, all a wife has to do is scream out and say her husband has threatened to hit her and he spends the next two nights in jail.”