Deadbeat mom won’t pay child support

Dear Mrs Macaulay,

In 2005 my estranged wife walked out of the marriage and eventually started a new family, leaving behind our two daughters, ages four and eight. I have assumed the role of both father and mother since then, and approximately two years after that, I obtained sole custody and care of the girls.

In 2010 I applied for maintenance and was awarded $1,500 per week for each child to include half education and health. This first experience of the inner workings of the justice system taught me that fathers who solely take care of their children have different rights from that of mothers with the same task. The treatment I received suggested that I was the reason she abandoned her daughters.

Through all this time the mother has being employed and has insisted that she will not assist even though she helped religiously with the grooming of their hair. In 2012 I sued for maintenance after only receiving approximately $10,000 from the mother during and after the original order was made for the kids. I bore 95 per cent of the costs for school fees and related expenses and did not bother to request or add health-related costs as part of her obligation because of the benefits provided by my health card.

At the hearing to address the disobedience of the maintenance order, the same judge who made the original order asked the mother to bring more than $5,000 of the amount owed. At the second hearing she took $10,000 and the judge asked again her to bring some money, without specifying an amount. At the third hearing she brought $5,000. The judge then made an order for $5,000 to be paid monthly by the mother until the unpaid amount is settled. She said only after that would she entertain a request for an increase in the maintenance fees.

I tried to explain that it will take six years for her to settle her arrears and that the present maintenance is still not being paid. I was given very little time to speak or to defend myself against a flurry of accusations and had to stand and listen while the mother accused me of not providing sanitary napkins when the girls needed the items and because I did not cry while in court I became the villain. The judge said tears is a language she understands when I criticised the mother’s crying, which I know she frequently uses as a tool to gain sympathy.

I am very disappointed with what has transpired and felt that I was presumed guilty as I entered the courtroom. This, however, will not stop me from giving love and care to my daughters but I can’t but feel that I am made to pay what some women had to endure. I say this because on all three occasions at the start of each session I was asked two times by the clerk of court and once by the judge, “Sir how much money you carry to pay?” While I can only speak to my circumstances, I believe that I was treated unfairly by the very system that was set up to prevent it and to protect my kids and would advise fathers in a similar situation to get a lawyer.

What is my recourse, if any? If the situation was different, where I refused to maintain my children, would the outcome be the same? The girls’ uncle called with a few choice words to say I must ‘go look about my pickney dem and stop stressing’ his sister. I have encouraged bonding between mother and daughters even at risk of physical and psychological abuse which I did not record or report. The elder of the two is now entering sixth form and the younger is starting high school. The girls have suffered, I am quite sure, and I hold myself responsible. I will continue to do right by my girls because as I always say, they are my gifts from God.

Thank you for your very candid letter about the difficulties of a single father and also about the discriminatory treatment you have suffered in your Family Court processes.

You were painted with same brush as the usual deadbeat dads with whom the clerks and the judge generally have to deal. While this was not acceptable, it was, one supposes, human, even though all matters should be handled professionally and fairly according to legal standards and established procedures without discrimination of any kind.

It is very good that you articulated the treatment you received as a father who was seeking albeit, a bit late, legal protection and provision for his children, because your act may result in greater care being taken by clerks of the Family Court and Family Court judges to ensure that no father or male applicant or any other person is ever made to feel pre-judged adversely, or not given adequate and equal opportunity to explain the facts and grounds of their application.

Nor should crying, weeping or tears be accepted as a basis for truth, especially as society has taught and unfortunately still teaches too often that men do not cry.

Unfortunately, gender roles were and are imposed by society and men were the ones who imposed male and female roles in the home and society and from which we are still trying to change and recover from for the good of all.

I suspect this was the reason it took you so long to apply for maintenance contributions from your wife for your daughters. Despite the fact that your wife left in 2005, you only applied for custody, care and control two years after she went off and started another family, and then five years later applied for an increase.

You have not mentioned that you have made any attempt at a dissolution of the marriage proceedings. Why not? Has your marriage not broken down irretrievably?

I ask these questions because you have asked me what is your recourse, if any. I would suggest, as you have yourself, obtaining the assistance of an attorney, though I do so reluctantly because one of the ideas behind the Family Court was to make justice more accessible as the applicants would receive the assistance of the court staff and so the parties would not need legal representation for the preparation of the applications..

So what recourse do you have? I would advise you to proceed to dissolve your failed marriage, especially as your wife abandoned her marriage and has another family. Firstly, the dissolution would be fairer to you, your daughters, your wife, her paramour and children in her new family, if any, so that all of you can re-adjust your lives neatly and clearly.

Secondly, if you do apply for a divorce, it has to be done in the Supreme Court which, unlike the Family Court, is a court of record. This means that both the applicant and the defendant have to file the facts upon which they will rely in the proceedings, in writing in the affidavit form, and they may be cross-examined upon such statements of facts during the hearings. This is much more formal and can render untruths to become quite obvious.

Thirdly, you can apply for maintenance from your wife in such proceedings, having disclosed what the Family Court orders were, and what your daughters realistically need to be properly maintained. You should obtain the services of an attorney to assist you with such proceedings in the Supreme Court if you decide to proceed.

You ask if the situation was different and you had refused to maintain your children, whether your wife would have been treated the same way. In my opinion, the outcome would not have been the same in every instance. Your wife would certainly not have been blamed if you had abandoned the family, nor would she have been asked by any clerk or a judge, off the bat, whether she had brought any money to court.

On the other hand, when it comes to the arrears, you would also have been given opportunities to bring instalments to court, as attempts are always made to have the arrears cleared up with the defaulting party only being committed to jail as a last resort. I must, however, honestly say that I do not believe any court would permit a defaulting father to make such minimal payments of the sizable arrears, nor permit failure to pay the current sums as you report your wife has been permitted to do.

I applaud your determination to do all you can for your daughters and for what you have done to date. Please do not assume all the blame for what they have suffered as a result of the abandonment of the marriage by your wife. She decided to leave and start another life without a clean termination of her marital union.

As to her brother, tell him butt out of your life and business, otherwise you will take legal action against him. You should explain that you are doing what the law entitles you to do and in fact, obligates you to do for your children, and he should therefore not attempt to interfere with you and any legal action which you may take for the best interests of your children ever again. If he persists, contact an attorney to take action against him.

Margarette May Macaulay is an attorney-at-law, Supreme Court mediator, notary public and women’s and children’s rights advocate. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; or write to All Woman, 40-42 1/2 Beechwood Avenue, Kingston 5.

DISCLAIMER:

The contents of this article are for informational purposes only and must not be relied upon as an alternative to legal advice from your own attorney.