Men, know your girlfriends
IT is clear that men are easy targets for women, and they are sometimes unfairly blamed for things that are not their faults because they are marginalised. But I am here to declare that women are the cause of many atrocities. We have caused presidents to be impeached, pastors have lost their way, we have even caused I-Octane’s chest plate to be burning him. Poor Samson lost his strength, and even Adam, who was doing such an extraordinary job with the little garden God gave him, got thrown out of it because of Eve’s jezebel ways.
There is enough evidence to show that women are no saints. Here are the different categories we fall in, men beware.
Hacker girlfriends
This is the woman who, whenever her man is unlocking his phone with his code, sits and listens to the sound of each key touched, writes down the number that is associated with the sound, and then later successfully hacks into his phone. Ladies, please do not wait on me to tell you the obvious. If this is you, you not only need a therapist, you need to be strongly medicated.
Gold digger girlfriends
She weighs 50 pounds and the man weighs 700. He is wealthy and she is poor. She looks like Halle Berry and he looks like Munga. Ladies, stop walking around telling your friends that you are with him because you love him. You and I know that’s a lie from the pit of hell. You are with him because of his money. You are a gold digger.
Paranoid girlfriends
He receives a ping on his phone and she can specifically tell him whether he is getting a text, or a Facebook message, or a BBM, or Whatsapp message. Ladies, if this is you, you have too much time on your hands.
Sniffer girlfriends
She’s the girl who sniffs her man from head to toe whenever he comes home from work, because she suspects that he wasn’t really at work. Ladies, if this is you, your job is waiting for you at the police narcotics division. They need you in the police force. If you are that insecure, you do not need to be in a relationship.
Security guard girlfriends
She trails her man after work and sits at the house of his fling from 10:00 pm, while he is inside getting it on. When she wakes up at 5:00 am, he has already finished and left her there. Ladies, if this is you, you need to visit Bellevue Hospital and check yourself in.
Ultimate Delilah girlfriends
She’s the one who in good times is the man’s best buddy, inseparable. Now that they are going through rough waters and are about to break up, she walks around lying to friends that he was physically and verbally abusive and was no good in bed. Ladies, if this is you, mark my words, retribution is going to come upon you. Remember, life comes full circle and karma is a small female dog.
Shornee is an adventurer who likes to give a comedic spin to intense issues. A single professional, she writes to keep sane.
