I will tell my daughter I’m a porn star, mom says
TWENTY-SEVEN-YEAR-OLD Carlene is an exotic dancer, a porn star and a masseuse, fulfilling the sexual desires of approximately 35 men per week, in order to take care of herself and her four-year-old daughter.
But with a job that defies the traditional principles of decent society, one may ask what type of mom can she be and what morals she can pass on to a child, especially a daughter.
“My daughter and I have a very special bond,” Carlene said. “We talk a lot on the phone, we Skype often. We have a bond where if she is not comfortable at home or if something is wrong, she tells me. She doesn’t hide anything. She is not that shy type of person. If somebody slaps her she is going to tell me. I want her to be a daughter that grows up not doing what I am doing, and I am going to make sure of that, definitely!” she said.
And while many parents in her position would hide their jobs from those close to them for fear of being judged and condemned, Carlene said when her daughter starts asking questions, she will tell her the truth. “I won’t hide anything from her. If she asks what type of work I do, I won’t hide it,” Carlene told All Woman.
“I would tell her. Why hide it? She will find out, because I did magazines and it’s all over the place. I did porn and it’s all over. I did it here [Jamaica] and it’s not broadcast in Jamaica, but it’s out there,” the young mother said.
Carlene said as a child growing with her mom, stepfather and two half-siblings, she was deprived of many things mainly because her biological father was not a part of her life. She said she wants to ensure that her daughter enjoys everything she didn’t as a child.
“I want the very best for her, that’s why I’m doing what I’m doing,” she stated. “I want for her to have what I did not have, because I never had anything. I never had a mother who ever told me happy birthday, none of that. I always called myself the outcast, because she never once told me happy birthday, and if you asked her she would say yes she loved me, but she never showed it.”
At 10 years old, Carlene was sexually molested by her stepfather, something that continued for a number of years. She was also molested by her stepfather’s brother and she said her step-dad even touched her inappropriately one day in front of her mother, who she said chose to turn a blind eye to the matter.
Carlene ended up running away from home when she was 14 years old to live with a friend she met at school. Today, this is still where she calls home, and where her daughter is now living.
“If your child tells you she is being molested, seek help immediately,” Carlene advises. “Believe your child, because guess what? Your child will always be there for you. But that man won’t always be there for you, no matter what. Yeah, your child is your flesh and blood; the man isn’t. If he is the breadwinner, you have to be strong. We are women, we can do anything we put our minds to,” she said. “Trust me, we can.”
And even as she strives to raise her child, she is forced to do so without the child’s father whom she met and fell in love with some seven years ago.
Today he is not in the child’s life either financially or emotionally, and this makes working hard at what she can find to do even more compelling.
“You know, I always say when I have what I want I would change my work. I want to be a nurse, and I want to write a book. I still really want to be a nurse but my main mission is to write a book,” the sex worker said.
While she lives in at her workplace and gets only two days off every two weeks to spend with her daughter, Carlene said her daughter has grown accustomed to not having her around much. However, she tries to make up for their time apart by ensuring that they spend quality time together over those two days.
Carlene said despite her career choice she tries to instil certain principles in her daughter as she would not want her following in her footsteps.
