How to talk to your children about body changes
NO matter how accessible information becomes, parents cannot bypass their responsibility to educate their children about the changes they will likely experience in their bodies as they grow.
Some of these issues that will need to be discussed include puberty, sex, breast development, menstruation, ejaculation, the growth of body hair and personal hygiene. Open and direct information presented from early can help to reduce your child’s level of frustration when they start to undergo body changes and might possibly reduce the risk of sexual abuse. But as with any other situation relating to life, timing is everything.
“I think it is important to wait until the child is at an intellectual age to understand what you are going to say to them and explain to them that the human body goes through changes that must happen and if there are any changes in their body, then you explain that this is what happens to all females, and it happens because you are now at the age where you can now have children. Then you can go on to have the birds and the bees conversation,” said Chairman of the National Family Planning Board Dr Sandra Knight.
“I used to think that you should stay as simple, but straightforward as possible, but I realised that because children develop their intellectual capacity at different stages, not all children at seven or eight would be able to absorb what you are saying to them and many of them will not care,” she said.
Counselling psychologist Evret Williams also agrees that some children develop faster than others and believes that it’s best to allow the child to initiate the conversation. She pointed out that girls might raise topics relating to these changes before boys.
“One study found that when toddlers were observed in a nursery, girls’ mouths were always moving, while boys’ mouths hardly ever moved,” Williams said. “Another study was done where recorders were placed on a playing field, and they found that the girls made a lot of noise, while the boys barely mumbled or only made small groans. This means that as they grow older, many times the girls will initiate conversations while boys will not,” she said.
Dr Knight advises parents to be very direct and simple with their explanations. It’s also okay, she said, to use a term such as ‘private parts’ instead of vagina or penis.
“The talk must be had, because a lot of girls go through a lot of changes in their bodies and they are not sure why and they get confused and they get very angry and upset and distraught, because they think they are the only ones going through it and they feel weird,” she said.
It is important for parents to first be informed before they endeavour to teach their children about development issues. It is also important that different methods be used to communicate the information to a child as this will make it more likely to remember the information shared.
“If they are interested in sports or video games, find a way to use their interest to explain the process. You may be sitting with the child watching a movie and things may happen that you can use to teach the child. Even if the child is six you can tell them that something that they have just seen is not right and why. Then explain the correct alternative. There are many teachable moments that you have to grasp,” Williams said.
Dr Knight said one of the tools that parents can use to educate their children is video sharing site YouTube.
“YouTube has some very negative elements to it, but there are a lot of positives on YouTube and you can actually use YouTube videos that show how to teach about puberty. While you are watching the video you can pause it and discuss it,” she said.
She also encourages parents to invest in Dr Seuss books and other publications that teach children about their bodies with colourful images. There are also apps available that can educate children about their bodies. One such is the Human Body App.
