Regrets…

ENTERTAINER Mick Jagger penned the quote, ‘The past is a great place and I don’t want to erase it or to regret it, but I don’t want to be its prisoner either,’ a quote that is used by many who advocate moving forward instead of worrying over past mistakes and regrets.

But eternal optimism is a hard pill to swallow for many, who have to live, and look at, the consequences of their past mistakes daily. Whether your regret is a love affair, where you still have to see the person every day; a legal issue that marked you for life; or an issue having to do with parenting, sometimes letting go and moving on isn’t as easy as looking at the glass as half full.

Below some women share their biggest regrets, those that are impossible to leave in the past.

Jessica, 24:

The first guy I had sex with was when I first started university. Not that I loved him or anything, he was kinda the cool guy and my friends made it seem OK. I was new, so I thought of it as a kind of initiation. Needless to say, my sexual exploits during university didn’t stop with him. When I look back, that guy I first had sex with didn’t just take my virginity, he took a piece of my self-worth as I have never been in a relationship where I thought that a guy was actually into me for me, but instead wanted me only for sex.

Nadine, 32:

I got pregnant with my first child when I was 18. At the time I became pregnant I was full of so much promise and youth. I had my whole life in front of me. Don’t get me wrong, the guy I was with at the time, I thought I loved him. Getting pregnant so young essentially robbed me of my youth as right away I had to get a job to support myself and my daughter. I’m alright now as I have a teenage daughter. I had to work real hard to provide for us. Every now and then I think of what my life could have been had I not got pregnant so early.

Novelette, 38:

When I became pregnant with our first child, my husband suggested that I stop working and stay home at least for a few years to take care of our son, which I didn’t have a problem with as I had every intention of returning to work once my son got older. However, as the years passed I realised that my husband never intended for me to return to work. As his income was the only income coming into the household, he would use this fact to manipulate me into doing whatever he wanted. I always thought about leaving him but I wouldn’t know where to begin. It has been years since I left the job market and I’m pretty sure that the world has moved on without me. The day I agreed to his plan, was the day I signed over my independence.

Evelyn, 34:

I was talking to this guy for a while. Eventually we decided to move in together. I was self employed before I met him, and continued my business while we were together. He came by the business one day and saw me talking innocently to a man. He accused me of cheating. Later that night he returned to vandalise my shop. We have since separated, however, it took me years to get myself back to where I was before. That one relationship robbed me of my livelihood for months.

Joyce, 37:

My mother, who had practically groomed my sisters and me to become the wives of powerful men, was delighted when I married my husband. There were no problems between us for years. I went along with everything he said. Everyone viewed me as Mr so and so’s wife. My identity as a person was now tied to him. For years people rarely called me by my first name; it was Mrs so and so. It was not until I left him that I released what that marriage took — my sense of identity. I would be lying to you if I told you that I have figured out who I am. Sometimes I think it was easier to be his wife than to be me, Joyce.