Sex: the basics
The fire in your romance can ebb, and even eventually die if the embers aren’t continuously stoked. And when the fire dies, many times what’s left isn’t enough to sustain the interest.
Below, Dr Karen Carpenter, clinical sexologist, offers some tips from her new book, Love & Sex: The Basics, for keeping the fire going.
1. Sex is between the ears
Rule number one: listen when your partner speaks. Ask your partner about the things they want to talk about. Give your partner room to express themselves even if you are not interested in that topic. When you engage your partner in conversation, make it about him/her. The more you listen, the more he/she will draw close.
2. Use erotica
Erotica is a great way to get warmed up for lovemaking and it’s a safe way for you and your partner to explore romantic fantasies without it getting offensive. Erotica is not your words, they are just words that turn you on. Experiment with small doses of romantic literature before getting into the heavy adult stuff. Your partner may find this more appealing and less threatening.
3. Learn to cook three meals like a pro
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Learning to be a gourmet chef in the kitchen is not as hard as it seems. If you don’t know how to cook, learn to prepare a few easy meals that he enjoys. Breakfast is always a good place to start because most of the ingredients are prepared already and just need putting together. Try the meals out a few times on friends or family so that you can perfect them and surprise your partner. Think fresh strawberries and whipped cream, a great introduction to getting intimate in the mornings.
4. Be seductive
You may be surprised to hear that there is no such thing in sex therapy as good in bed; there is only ‘good in bed for me’. Individuals vary widely in what they see as sexy. Pay attention to what your partner says he/she likes. Sexy underwear is rarely a bad idea, but before you break out the whips and chains find out if he/she’s into all of that.
5. Pamper your prince/princess
We all want to be pampered. Draw your partner a bubble bath and bathe him/her yourself. Take the time to talk while your partner sips a glass of wine or juice. Your partner needs as much quality time as you do.
