Baggage and the ex-files
We all enter relationships with a certain amount of baggage — hurt from past relationships, body image or even daddy issues. It’s when this baggage interferes with the progress of the relationship that it becomes an issue.
Initial attraction and honeymoon period aside, baggage can weigh down a relationship so much that parting is inevitable. Below, readers share the barriers that prevented, or are preventing their relationships from progressing.
Mark, 30:
Her mother broke up with her father when she was pretty young. And soon after I met her mother I realised why she was the way she was. She had such a negative view of men that it came to a point where I couldn’t do it anymore. I preferred to let her sort out her issues with men with someone else.
Richard, 33:
Religion is the obstacle that I have to overcome. I know this may raise a few eyebrows but I just have to truthful. When a woman is consumed with religion, no man can get through to her. Not even kiss I can kiss her, much less hold her hand. I am a Christian, yes, but I am also a man. I’m not asking her for sex, just some affection.
Clive, 27:
I was darker in skin colour than my ex-girlfriend — she was a ‘browning’. In the early stages of our relationship it was never a problem; however, as time passed it became one. I don’t know if she believed that she could do better than me or what, but I was made to feel that she was with me just until something better came along.
Doreen, 38:
As a professional woman, what I found myself doing was getting together with the first man I could find. The problem with this was that we were not on the same education level. This for me was a major barrier as we could not have conversations about certain topics and when we were in social settings with my friends it was just beyond awkward. I had to let him go; it was just not working out.
Earl, 35:
We were never on the same page. For us communication was always an issue. I couldn’t say anything to her that wouldn’t eventually turn into an argument. As a man also it was just too much, the nagging, that is.
Andrea, 41:
Love doesn’t pay the bills. You and a person may hit it off right from the beginning, but at some point money will come into the picture and if the other person is not in good financial standing, then the relationship will be bound to fail from the get-go.
Chris, 32:
I am a good-looking guy and so naturally women are always physically attracted to me. However, I am a one-woman guy, at least at this stage of my life. My ex-girlfriends in the past were always doubtful about my fidelity. For me this was a major barrier. If my partner is not able to trust me, then whatever we are doing is just a waste of time.
Daren, 34:
My girlfriend is more qualified than I am, and so she makes more money in the relationship. What I found is that because of this she will do some things that are major turn-offs. We will go to a restaurant and she will hand the waiter the cheque, or even if we are talking in a group with her friends she will make sly comments about me. I don’t think she does it intentionally; however, as a man it’s not good for my ego.
