Sparing the rod Managing children’s behaviour today — Part 2

Sparing the rod is not an easy adjustment for parents who have learned that to spare the rod is to spoil the child. However, it is possibly how we have conceptualised ‘the rod’ which is the core of the problem. What if we redefine and reconstruct our thoughts of ‘the rod’ to that of disciplinary tactics rather than a punisher represented by the belt or beating stick? What if we see ‘the rod’ as depicted in the story of Moses, as an aid leading to a path of self-discipline rather than one used to strike fear? If our conceptualisation and understanding of the rod changes, then the methods used to manage children’s behaviour will likewise need to change.

There are numerous strategies that may be used to manage a child’s behaviour; there is no single approach. Below are further recommendations for managing children’s behaviour as we redefine and reconstruct our view of the rod:

1. Use different disciplinary interventions according to the child’s stage of development. Before parents put in place any form of behaviour management strategy, it is important for them to understand that the negative behaviours observed in children are often a manifestation of an unmet need (emotional and/or physical) or a symptom of something that may be occurring in significant environments such as home or school.

Bearing this in mind, parents need to pay special attention to possible needs that are not being met or issues that the child may be confronted with within the home environment (eg, parent disputes, sibling rivalry) or school environments (eg, bullying, poor understanding of tasks) which may be the precursors to negative behavioural manifestations. Addressing the aforementioned may lead to changes in the child’s behaviour. A few strategies that parents may use for managing their child’s behaviour may include:

*Toddlerhood (ages 18 months to two years): Avoid stressful situations or triggers for misbehaviour; model expected behaviours; use simple reward systems like stickers and praise for good behaviour.

*Early childhood (ages two to six years): Model expected behaviours; use child choice — the child chooses a quiet activity away from a desired one; use of time-in instead of time-outs; if time-outs are used, do this rarely.

*Middle childhood (ages six to 12 years): Teach about logical consequences of behaviours and choices.

*Adolescence (ages 12 to 18 years): Redirect negative behaviours to positive behaviours; collaboration in creating behavioural contracts; preferred activity time; and teaching them to make positive choices.

For other tips, websites such as www.thesuccessfulparent.com and www.childmind.org offer some useful strategies for parents. Remember, there is no one-glove-fits-all approach to the use of these strategies, and parents may need to try different approaches with their children. Remember, start using behaviour management approaches when children are young.

2. Parents, be the model your child will seek to emulate. You hold the key to your child practising positive behaviours in and outside of the home. You set the standard as you demonstrate appropriate behaviour acceptable in your home and in the society. Today’s child will not accept the double standard of “do as I say, not as I do”. If you want to teach children responsibility and self-discipline, you need to be the model for your child.

3. Respect your child and acknowledge positive behaviours. Children have feelings, thoughts and have various methods to communicate their needs to you. Children often engage in positive behaviours from time to time. Acknowledge, encourage and praise their efforts when they engage in these behaviours. Additionally, respect the rights of your child by listening to them, having discussions, and incorporating their views in the tactics you use to move in a positive direction.

4. Seek professional help. Parents, please seek professional assistance in modifying your child’s behaviour if you cannot manage to do so. The assistance of guidance counsellors, child and clinical psychologists, and other helping professionals should be sought. They will work with you and your child toward a positive and healthy outcome.

Patrice Reid is a lecturer and associate clinical psychologist in child and adolescent development at the College of Health Sciences, University of Technology. E-mail her at patrice.a.reid@gmail.com.