Father’s paramour showing interest in son
Counsellor,
My mother died a year ago and since then, my father, who is 70, and I have lived alone in the home. A few months ago he moved a young woman in, and said he would marry her once a respectable time has passed since my mother’s passing. I am 28 years old, and this woman has been paying more attention to me than my father, and I don’t know how to approach him about this. She makes me very uncomfortable and I have no interest at all, but I don’t think my dad will believe me if I tell him the truth. How can I deal with this jezebel monitoring spirit and protect my father and I both morally and legally?
Your father has taken a liking to a woman, who now lives with you, and she has taken a liking to you, and that’s making you very uncomfortable. Understood. It’s a good thing that you’re seeing this about her now, and not after they’re married. It’s also a good thing that you are mindful to protect your father, and to call out the deceptiveness and possible immorality of this woman.
You certainly have to share what is happening with your father. The ‘how’ is indeed important. You will have to find a way to communicate it to him. Consider gaining as much evidence as you can, for three reasons: 1) Because you don’t want to be wrong about this, and be seeming to be selfish, defending your inheritance. 2) Because you don’t want to break your father’s heart again unnecessarily. 3) Because he quite probably is susceptible at this point to all manner of deception because he may still be grieving. You’ll need evidence.
People often do not want to believe the worst about someone they are fond of. The clues to true motives and nature are often swept under the rug. So, plan on being very strategic, but patient with your father. Once you are certain that the woman means him no good, consider how to gain necessary proof.
My advice:
Speak to the woman: Try to ascertain from her clearly what she really wants from you. You need to be certain of her intentions. Be respectful, your sincerity can help her to be open and honest.
Speak to your father: Let him know you are there for him and that you love him. He is trying to find his way in this new reality, now that his wife is gone. Help him have hope for the future. Try to excite him about travel, attending events, and doing new things. Let him see that you are trying to be fair to the woman. Let him clearly know that you care about his desires, and that you understand his pain, the challenge of loss and loneliness.
Speak to an attorney: Get legal advice about how you might protect assets from the possible shenanigans of the woman. Consider discussing the possibility of making recordings in your home, of whatever she’s been saying to you, and wherever it is that she has been approaching you, whether video or audio recordings. You may need that kind of evidence to convince your father. But get legal advice.
Prayer still works: Don’t neglect earnest prayer. The
Bible says, “The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces results” (James 5:16b NLT). If you are concerned with “spirits”, prayer is the appropriate response. And, you don’t have to contend with or seek to rebuke the woman to her face. Do the rebuking primarily in your prayer closet. Don’t attack her (See: Ephesians. 6:12). Attack the issue with prayer. Consider getting others to pray with you too.
May the Lord cover both you and your father from all nefarious things. I pray you both will be comforted from your loss, and that the truth will be known about this woman’s intentions.
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
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