On the WOMEN Christian MEN should not marry

DR Stephen Kim, founding pastor of Mustard Seed Church in New York City, has some very interesting views on marriage in the church. In a recent blog post, 10 Women Christian Men Should Not Marry, which gained a lot of traction on the Internet and social media, he listed among the pariahs the unbeliever, the divorcee, the older woman and the feminist, earning the ire of everyone from other fundamentalist Christians to sceptical atheists.

While the presence of some of the women on the list is understandable, others are less so, and Reverend Karl Johnson, chairman of the Jamaica Baptist Union, agrees with Kim opposers that some of the comments are unfair.

“It’s as if he had set ideas about these kinds of women and tried to justify it by finding Biblical texts,” Johnson said.

According to Kim, scripture is replete with exhortations against many of these marriages, like the marriage with an unbeliever.

However, according to Johnson, the unbeliever as described in scripture is not necessarily what we call unbelievers.

“Scripture then was probably speaking about atheists and agnostics. A lot of people are God-fearing, but as Christians we say they have not yet accepted Christ. There are several people who have not yet made that crossover; we call them non-Christians, but they believe,” he said. Johnson added that it could also mean that two Christians do not have shared values, but in marriage there has to be an element of equality and commonality.

Here are Kim’s other cast offs, with explanations:

1. The divorcee

Kim said Jesus clearly taught that unless the first marriage ended due to a partner’s sexual infidelity, a second marriage is to be considered invalid and adulterous.

But Johnson said the issue of divorce will never be solved in the church. “It is complex, and people who hold views hold them based on their understanding and interpretation of scripture. Many times people have to agree to disagree when it comes on to this debate,” he said.

2. The older woman

According to Kim, this is not necessarily a sin, but it is certainly not God’s ideal. He uses Ephesians 5:25 as text to support his statement that God expects men to be the spiritual leaders of their homes, and that it certainly requires an extra measure of grace to lead a woman who’s older than you. Johnson on the other hand said that that scripture in Ephesians is not about women being subservient. He said it speaks about husbands loving their wives as Christ loved the church. “If any man loves you as much as Christ loved the church, it means he will die for you,” he said. Johnson said that while he can only speak anecdotally, there is nothing from theology or the Bible that speaks against a man marrying an older woman, or suggests that if the woman is older she will have authority over her man. However, he said it is known that issues may arise once there is a significant age difference, but a marital relationship requires mutuality and commonality.

3. The feminist

Kim stated that Eve was distinctly created “for” man, and uses 1 Corinthians 11 as text to support his statement. He said men should know that their wives ought to be their “helpers” using Genesis 2:18 to justify it, and added that women are not men’s leaders and certainly not their equal in terms of authority. But according to Johnson, Jesus has affirmed women more than we give credit for. “Jesus gave the first resurrection message to a woman. Look at the woman caught in adultery, he said he who is without sin cast the first stone. We have to realise that over the years women were undermined and now we have to salute them. Don’t write off women who stand up for their rights,” he said.

4. The immodest dresser

While Johnson disagrees with how Kim brings this message across, he said that if a man desires a life of modesty, the Bible invites us to that and instructs that we live a life of simplicity. But he said men should understand that lifestyle is much more than dress code.

5. The gossiper/slanderer

Kim said women may love to talk, but there’s wisdom in looking for a woman who speaks with wisdom. Gossip and slander are not good things to have in your marriage. However, Johnson challenged the statement and said if men want to marry women who are not gossipers, then neither should women marry men who gossip. “Women don’t have a monopoly on gossiping. It is a stereotype and the worst gossipers are men. We have built up a perception of women that has done nothing but degraded them. We need to change that,” he said.

6. The childbirth avoider

“Do not marry a woman who is not willing to have children of her own,” Kim warned. “If you are averse towards having children, then there’s a simple remedy for that: Single-hood.” Johnson, however, explained that while sex is much more than enjoyment and the Bible speaks about procreation, there could be other reasons why a woman does not want a child. “Maybe she was abused as a child, raped, so find out why.” Johnson explained that not having children is not a sin and it should be looked at in a broader context and not be the only criterion for not marrying a woman.

7. The career-first woman

“There is nothing wrong with a woman who works (Acts 16:14),” Kim said. “What’s wrong is a woman who puts her career ahead of her family.” Johnson on the other hand said God loves gifted women and men, and there is nothing wrong in realising our true potential.

Kim also warned against the wander-luster and the devotionless woman .

But, said Johnson: “If you are considering marriage, you can see how a person is going to be by who they are now. You don’t need a list, you should know your values.”

Kim’s full list can be read at NYCPastor.com.