To confront or not confront the other woman
HAVING a man who has a woman on the side is a reality for many women. Although knowledge of another woman can take a huge toll on her self-esteem, a smart woman will avoid any kind of confrontation with the other woman. If you’re not sure why the man has this other woman, it’s not the other woman’s responsibility to explain that to you — it’s your man’s.
So regardless of how tempted you are to confront her, don’t. Your man brought a third party into the relationship, not you. So if there is a problem with the third party, let him deal with the third party. Unless she is like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, or she is going out of her way to have a confrontation with you, you don’t want to go there.
As much as we might not want to admit it, some of these ‘side chicks’, as they are often labelled, are not even side chicks. They are very much upfront in the man’s life, just as much as the wife is, with the exception that the wife has all the spousal rights afforded by law. As one male friend pointed out to me, sometimes it’s the state of the marriage that dictates how upfront the other woman is. For instance, if the marriage is an empty one where both parties are simply sharing living space, the side chick who is doing the essentials for him and playing an upfront role is not really a side chick, she’s actually number one in a messed-up relationship and the man possibly does love her.
I’ve had some interesting discussions about the other woman with both men and women who are divided on whether a wife should confront her and the reasons men do keep other women. If you are a wife, girlfriend or live-in partner, it can be tough to accept your man having another woman, but the fact is the man must have his reasons why he married or committed to you and it’s quite likely that you know what those reasons are. He also knows why he is keeping the other woman so don’t lose sleep wondering why he is cheating; ask him and seek to resolve it together if you can.
As women, we do need to acknowledge that sometimes we do play a role in inviting third parties into our relationships. Some men who are in committed relationships will keep other women for various reasons, including not getting the emotional support they want from their partners; not getting sex; or being bored in the relationships. You can work at resolving any of these issues.
Some men have been known to have full ‘other families’ and in some cases the other woman is very involved in their businesses or are running businesses they have been set up with. Interestingly, there are wives and girlfriends who know about the other women but never confront their men about it or who end their relationships because of it.
Some women also welcome the other women into the relationship as they provide something they are no longer interested in giving their men. A wife or girlfriend who knows about the other woman, but decides not to confront her, will remain an enigma to the other woman. Regardless of what your man might have told her about you, don’t give her the satisfaction of getting you to engage her. She can guess and wonder and keep track of your Twitter and Facebook posts, but never allow her the kind of power that she will gain from your confronting her.
Marie Berbick aka The PR Girl, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
