First love, first heartbreak

THEY say the first cut is the deepest and the most painful. After that incision, it is highly unlikely that you’ll hurt the same way you did when your first love experience fizzled.

The experience may have been good while it lasted, or on the highway to hell, but regardless of how painful or amazing your first love experience was, it helped to shape your outlook on future relationships.

Many of us will opt not to speak about it, but when All Woman spoke to some readers, they obliged. Below they tell what their first love experiences were like.

Shauna Clarke, 32:

It was amazing. I swear I was naive and ‘in love’. We were both 18 and would meet up at church events, go to Devon House, Carib 5, hang out with friends, because back then there was no social media so we wouldn’t have that thing I hear people call ‘text dating’. However, while I was so engrossed in him, he had sights on another girl. I never knew until he told me it wouldn’t work out as I was not what he was looking for. I cried and I vowed I would never love anyone again. Of course that wasn’t true, as I’m now happily married, but when I met my husband, who happens to be the second boyfriend I had, six years after being dumped by the abovementioned young man, I had trust issues and felt as if he would run like the other guy when things started to get serious. It took a lot of patience until he proved himself and I decided to be his wife. We’ve been married for seven years now.

Mark Beckford, 40:

The first girl I loved was very pretty and kind-hearted. That experience is a bit unique as no one broke up with anyone. She actually died in a car accident. It’s painful because she had come by my house the evening and we had a disagreement as I said something that hurt her feelings. Before I could get to apologise she was outside in her car and she sped off down the road. I got a call on my house phone from her parents the night telling me that when she attempted to turn off the main road to enter the community, a truck broke the stoplight and slammed into her vehicle, killing her on impact. For years I blamed myself and couldn’t let it go as in my opinion if we weren’t arguing she would have been more focused and would have seen the truck. It’s been 20 years and I’ve moved on but I will never forget her.

Susan Williamson, 27:

We met when I was 17 and he 18. The relationship lasted for five years. The experience was good for most parts as he was a gentleman and treated me like a queen. I think I fell for him too hard and didn’t think that the relationship could end. I was one of the few who believed that love never dies, until he proved me wrong. We were good until the fifth year when he made it clear he had stopped loving me and already moved on, so now it was time to part ways. When I asked him if he ever did really love me, he said yes, but he no longer felt it and instead of living a lie, he would rather be with someone else. Imagine still being in love with someone who told you straight to your face they didn’t love you anymore. That experience taught me to prepare for the worse in any circumstance, because he showed no sign of being unhappy. To this day I don’t believe anyone can be certain that their partner would not leave them.

Andrew Thomas, 36:

My experience was a pleasant one. I’ve used it as a reference for all my relationships subsequent to that. I bought her roses, took her on dates, respected her personal space and never pressured her for sex. For years we were OK with that and eventually we became intimate but it wasn’t rushed. The relationship continued after that and both families were OK. However, when we got to college, both our goals changed and she went abroad. Even then I still had hopes of it working out, but I placed no restrictions on her. I wanted to chase my dreams and it was only fair to allow her to as well. We communicated often, but eventually it became costly and daily calls were reduced to weekly calls, then monthly calls. Eventually we lost contact and naturally started seeing other people. When she finished her degree she came back to Jamaica a married woman with a child. Surprisingly I was happy for her and we’re still friends to this day and our children are also friends as she and her family moved to Jamaica about five years ago. Not all first love experiences end this way, but mine did and we’re adults now, but fact is we were lovers, now we’re friends, and we’re good with that. It is something to share with our children when they’re older.

Nicole Hewitt, 27:

I was in grade seven and he was in grade nine. He was a footballer on the Manning Cup team who I admired a lot and for some reason I loved his qualities and started falling for him. He was the rebellious type and did something to my friend, which caused me to be upset. Foolishly, I wrote him a letter and expressed my feelings for him and encouraged him to apologise to my friend. He used the letter to burn me, by showing all his friends what I wrote then sending one of them with a scrap of paper to say he would not apologise and he didn’t like me. I was disappointed but not devastated. I told my mother what had happened and she encouraged me to hold my head up, chase my dreams and not let it seem as if he jolted me. That was that until a few years later when I wasn’t so young anymore and started working and our paths crossed again and he admitted that he liked me but wanted to seem macho among his friends. He had changed a lot and was working as a young accountant. He invited me for a couple of drinks and eventually we started dating. Now we’re engaged. So what initially hurt me turned out to be what made me happy in the end.

Aaron Adams, 30:

I was so into the young lady that I would always go to her home in Mona and walk back to New Haven because I used the last dollar to go and see her. I checked for her so much that when she lost her job, which paid 10 times more than mine, I took my last and gave it to her. I don’t know how I survived then. I would fight for her and go to the extreme end to ensure she saw that I cared for her. When she was sick I would be there and whenever I saw her I knew what it meant, as a man, to have butterflies in my stomach. I really loved her. However, it was not reciprocated on her part and she eventually found out about my financial status and how I would walk long distances to see her. I thought her knowing would be a plus for me, but she and her friends just laughed me to scorn. I remember when she left to go abroad how I cried, even though she was no longer interested in me. But I would never deny that she was my first love and that was the experience.