Marriage and prostitution, what’s the difference?

IT has been argued by many that marriage is long-term prostitution, wherein women are trading sex for economic security. Much like a woman of the night exchanges sexual favours in return for cash, the wife exchanges the same in exchange for the ring, the home and family.

“To be honest, when I refuse sex my husband doesn’t let go of the money quite as easily as when I comply; and when I’m amorous, I get what I want,” said Mandeville housewife JB. “In the past he would even leave the money on the dresser after he was finished, but nowadays I’m handed the debit card and he will suggest that I go and buy myself something nice, but only after an extended period of compliance on my part.”

Indeed, one may argue that the hustler has more autonomy over her interactions, as she can choose her clients and her price.

“The wife, on the other hand, must endure years of trading with the same partner, who often has no qualms about refusing to ‘pay’, in cash or other reward, for services rendered, if he thinks the service was sloppy,” explained LS, a Master’s student who has been married for six years.

In the book The Philosophy of Sex: Contemporary Readings by Soble et al, German philosopher Immanuel Kant was quoted as recommending marriage as the sole moral agency of sex because only marriage enables people to give each other the respect that human beings deserve, while also gratifying their instinctual needs.

According to Kant, only if we have a right over another person can we have a right to use that person’s sexuality for our own selfish benefit. This comes into being through the contractual institution that is marriage.

The book continues to say that in marriage the loss of one’s personality in the sex act is compensated for by the fact that one acquires the other’s personality in turn, and in marriage, couples have the exclusive possession of the use of their partners, a right not enjoyed by either prostitutes or their customers. So the difference between prostitution and marriage lies in the fact that marriage preserves the right of humanity to copulate through a contract.

Sandra McCalla, lecturer in philosophy in the Department of Language, Linguistics and Philosophy at the University of the West Indies, says one interpretation of Kant’s view is that a prostitute-client relationship involves one person treating another as mere means to an end.

“A prostitute is therefore objectified and in turn her autonomy is denied, whereas in a marriage this is not exactly the case because of the contractual agreement where the degradation of humanity involved in being used sexually by another is at least mutual and voluntary,” McCalla explained.

But the lecturer said if one should examine Kant’s views carefully they would find that the differences he lists between prostitution and marriage become problematic depending on the kind of prostitution that is being examined, as one cannot rightfully say that autonomy is threatened if an act is done freely.

“We can agree that some acts of prostitution are not forced. In light of this, we find that a prostitute-client relationship may not necessarily involve treating another as a means to an end and we can argue likewise that individuals in marriages are not always treated as ends in themselves, in terms of sexual interactions and relations, as the right to similar use of a partner’s sexual organ is sometimes limited or even restricted,” she said.

“What we are saying here is that the respect that human beings deserve, and which Kant elaborates on, is not necessarily found in a marriage. Therefore, his views are subject to scrutiny.”

Kevin Bailey, psychotherapist at Family Life Ministries, said there is a clear distinction between prostitution and marriage.

“Marriage, especially from a Judaeo-Christian perspective, is a covenant relationship between two adult people who are making the choice to commit themselves in a loving relationship with each other,” he said. “It means that both people are adults, both people have gone through the process of knowing themselves and knowing the other partner, and have decided that based on what they’ve found out about the other person and about themselves, they are mature enough and willing enough to go into this special intimate relationship.”

Bailey added that in Jamaica and other places there is a legal requirement for marriage.

“Usually the prostitute is trying to make ends meet and she is offering a service to different people, so there’s no committed relationship. They have engaged in this relationship and many of them aren’t proud of it, many of them want to come out of it, and for many of them, it’s because of other situations why they are in it. It is pretty much bargaining and giving service: I collect and we go our separate ways,” he explained.

However, in marriage, Bailey said there’s an expectation — until death do us part — and most people go into marriage with this expectation that it is going to last forever.

“Of course we know things happen and there is divorce, but the majority of people who really get married, go in for it to last,” he said.

Moreso, with regards to prostitution, he said the risks involved, whether it’s from criminal behaviour, abuse or sexually transmitted infections, really multiply.

Consequently, he said there are times when marriages are not working and it appears that all the woman is doing is giving herself in exchange for money, but maintained that such occurrences are in the minority and prostitution is never the intent.

“The fact that something has gone wrong in the marriage does not mean that the institution of marriage is the same thing as the “institution” of prostitution. When marriages go sour it can be very difficult and one partner may suffer humiliation because it may seem that the woman is only giving sexual favours in exchange for money and it is also seen that the man is giving money for sexual favours. It means that the intention of the marriage has not materialised,” he said.

“Passionate monogamy is what marriage ought to be. It should be where both individuals are committed to loving each other, to being patient and kind and to actually empower each other, and to create a better environment for raising of families into society to be prosperous.”