Breast cancer:Breaking the news
NO one likes to hear bad news, and telling your family that you have been diagnosed with cancer can be very difficult.
It is a frightening experience, and for your loved ones it will be difficult accepting that their once healthy relative or spouse will now have to face a life-threatening ordeal.
But how do you break the news? When All Woman spoke to Latoya West-Blackwood, who lost her mother to cancer recently, she said the ‘big C’ conversation can never be an easy one for any of the parties involved.
“The seriousness of cancer, even with early detection, evokes an emotional, physical and financial reality that can present a combination of challenges from the start. That’s why the diagnosed often feel like the bearers of bad news and struggle emotionally with their own feelings and how to navigate the perceived response of their family, friends and colleagues,” she said.
West-Blackwood explained that while she doesn’t know what it is to be that person, she did learn lessons from her mother who not only had cancer but was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive type, which meant that the luxury of time was not afforded.
Below she shares six lessons she learnt on how to break the news.
1. Break it to yourself first
West-Blackwood said accepting the diagnosis can make the ‘breaking’ literal for some. “It’s life-changing news and the longer one stays in denial the harder it is to manage anything — care, relationships and quality of life,” she said.
2. Decide if, how and when you want to break the news
“Yes, I said ‘if’. For my mom, she was in a ‘Chinese-telephone’ type work environment and immediately ruled out sharing the news with colleagues,” she said. “The last thing you need when battling for your life is people calling you with various versions of your diagnosis for you to clarify and explain. You are only obligated to your immediate family and close friends of your choosing. Anyone else should be your choice, period.” She added that if you feel your condition will negatively impact your work or call for special allowances, then you should immediately alert your employer. She, however, maintained that they should honour your wishes as to how and if you wish to share the news with co-workers.
3. Talk to your children or direct dependents
West-Blackwood said it is not an easy conversation no matter the angle, but it’s a must. “Be honest in spite of the gravity and don’t hide information out of fear. It may be tricky with young children who might not be emotionally mature, but I’ve seen where an open approach works best,” she pointed out.
4. Decide who you want to communicate with and how
She said an e-mail might be seen as impersonal, but it might be better for you than breaking down during an initial face-to-face or telephone call to break the news. She explained that some types of communication work better than others depending on the individual.
5. Choose the extent of the details regarding your diagnosis that you want to share
West-Blackwood said it can be more complicated and tiring when you are trying to understand it yourself. “Have a close family member of friend play the role of gatekeeper. This person will be in the know about your diagnosis, noting the key and factual points and they can then be your voice in accurately communicating as desired,” she said.
6. Accept help
“This was a struggle for my mom who moved from being a healthy 56-year-old on the verge of early retirement to bedridden and in pain from terminal cancer,” West-Blackwood said. She added that it’s not easy to put aside pride, independence and to open up your circle of trust, but sometimes it’s very necessary to allow people who are sincere, to help and provide support and comfort not only to you, but to your caregivers.
