Dad, family demanding access – or no support

Dear Mrs Macaulay,

I am having some concerns regarding my eight-month-old son spending time with his dad. His dad wasn’t there for me during my pregnancy and started supporting the child a little after he was born.

He has a hole in his heart and is still breastfeeding and he barely eats anything else. However, his dad and other family members — mother, aunt and grandmother — have been pushing for him to go to the father’s home on weekends, or he will stop supporting him. If this case is taken to the court, can he be given such a right over our son? Does he have a right to stop supporting him because he’s not getting access at this stage? What can I do? Does his mom have a right to be calling me and demanding our son? At what stage can our son start visiting his dad and spending time?

Your baby son is clearly not yet ready to be away from your constant care and participate in any residential access at his father’s home. You say that he is still mainly being breastfed, therefore he clearly cannot be away from you for long periods of time. Additionally, I do not know of any case or instance when a court has ordered residential access for a child of such a tender age, especially one who is still being breastfed. You need not worry about this. It would be contrary to your baby son’s interests for such access to be granted and ordered by any court.

Does his father have a right of access to him now? Yes, he does, but only for visits with him of agreed or fixed periods of time which are generally effected in the mother’s home or with the mother taking the baby to the father’s home and being there during the access period.

Then there is the situation of the child’s illness. It would be in the baby’s best interests that he is not overly exposed to the possibility of being infected by being “passed around” among too many people until he is bigger and stronger, and so is better able to withstand the possibility of infection.

The baby’s grandmother has no right to be calling you and demanding the child. If her calls are numerous and her demands are of a tone as to cause you annoyance and upset, (which is not good for your milk production and its quality), you could apply for an injunction to stop and prevent her going on in that way, so that you can have the peace of your home to which you are entitled.

Whoever is threatening that the father’s contribution would cease, if they do not get the residential access they have been demanding, are despicable.

The obligation to maintain one’s child has nothing to do with access. It is a legal and moral duty. The right to access is separate from this.

Please note that mothers also have no right to deny access between father and child. Such access has been held to be necessary for the wholesome development of every child whose parents do not reside together.

I think you should be proactive and apply at once to the Family Court for custody, care and control of your son with access to the father to be fixed at a gradual and graduated scale into the future. You should also apply for maintenance contributions for your son to be ordered in like manner and you must make sure that the provision for medical expenses now and in the future are properly worded in the order so that you do not have to keep applying to the court for redress because of your son’s hole in his heart.

Remember that if the father earns more than you do, you can and should apply for him to pay a larger proportion of your son’s expenses than you do. The law provides for this — it is not an automatic 50/50 share of the expenses when there is a notable difference in the financial capability of one parent over the other.

You can in your affidavit in support of your application (as I have suggested above), append a medical report of your son’s doctor’s opinion about his condition and the type of care which ought to be provided to and for him.

His father must be fully informed about whatever is necessary to be done for his son’s care from the time the court deems it to be in your son’s best interests to commence access.

So please do not wait for your son’s father to apply to the court for his access. You should do so in order to ensure that your son is provided with the kind of care he needs from you, and ultimately (though not now) by his father when he is old and fit enough to enjoy several hours of a day and later residential access at his father’s home.

Do not be afraid. The court will consider the matter very carefully. Remember anyway, that if anything untoward is ordered, that you can appeal the order in the Court of Appeal.

Good luck to you and your son, and may his future be healthy and bright, and may your path to ensure this for him not be too burdensome.

I wish for you, your son and all the readers the very best for the new year. God bless you all, always.