Hubby beats me (and I love my ex)
Dear Counsellor,
I’ve been married for five years and we have a son. My husband always beats me up because of his girlfriends. He is not romantic and very bossy.
I realise I am still in love with my ex. I’m always thinking about him and compare him to my husband. What can I do?
Intimate partner violence cannot be condoned in any shape or form, and the perpetrators must never feel that it is acceptable to physically hurt someone and not deal with the consequences.
It is bad enough to physically abuse a child, but when an adult is relegated to the status of a child, it is just reprehensible.
So when you confront your husband about his extramarital affairs, instead of trying to right the wrong, he chooses to administer physical blows to your person. It is as if he is saying you have no right to question his unbecoming behaviour. Domestic violence offenders tend to believe that their actions are justified and so become quite abusive when they are challenged.
It is your responsibility to protect yourself from harm, and so even if it means removing yourself from the physical space, then you must.
It is not unusual for the abusive partner in a relationship to be very domineering and intimidating. He/she resorts to name calling and belittles their partner. In such a setting it is extremely difficult for the abused partner to express affection for his/her partner.
In such a dysfunctional relationship, your desire for love and attention will increase and as such you are reminiscing on the memorable moments you shared with your ex. This is understandable, but it is not advisable that you reignite that old flame as that could spell disaster with your husband should he have an inkling of such thoughts.
What can you do? The first thing is to safeguard yourself and encourage your husband to join an anger management therapy session as soon as possible. His roaming tendencies must be halted, as continuation would indicate disrespect for you and the relationship. He should also be mindful of the presence of the child who would have witnessed the abuse and no doubt would be negatively impacted.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to crisscounselloronline@gmail. com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@seekingshalom.org.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to crisscounselloronline@gmail. com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@seekingshalom.org.
