The single mother’s guide to having a good Valentine’s Day
A woman who is raising children on her own usually makes a lot of sacrifices for them. Often, a good single mother can barely find time for herself, especially if she has more than one child.1. Put some money aside to treat yourself2. Ask a friend or relative to watch the children for the day3. Choose the right company4. Plan the day well6. Don’t feel guilty
Single mothers are some of the best multitaskers — they make time to work, attend PTA meetings, help their children with homework, schedule medical and dental visits, take care of the house, and for those who are so minded, participate in church and charity work.
Sometimes the danger with all this multitasking is that she can be so focused on looking after her children that she completely ignores her own needs, including ‘me time’, love and romance.
This Valentine’s Day, resolve to do something special for yourself. Plan your pampering day and ensure it happens even if it’s just once a year.
Here are some tips to making this Valentine’s Day a memorable one, with or without a partner.
A single mother’s budget is often missing certain line items — those things you want for yourself but have to forego because you need to take care of the children first. This time, include in your monthly budget money to spend on something special for Valentine’s Day. It can be dinner with your best girlfriend if you don’t have a partner, a day at the spa, a concert, or a night’s stay in an all-inclusive hotel if you can afford it.
Don’t feel guilty about asking someone to help you with your children so that you can do something for yourself. You deserve it. Single mothers work hard 99 per cent of the time taking care of their children by themselves, so ask ahead of time and ensure you get that ‘me’ time.
If you’re not in a relationship, choose wisely who you spend your special day with. The idea is for you to really enjoy the day and be at peace, so don’t go asking someone you know will tick you off to share the day with you. This goes for your female friends too. Some people have very toxic personalities and constantly see the glass half-empty rather than half-full. Choose someone who isn’t coming to lay all their problems on you —someone who will make you laugh, smile and feel at ease.
Your day should ideally be well planned with you having a clear idea of what you will be doing, where you will be going, and with whom. Check the Internet, talk to friends, and check the newspapers for Valentine’s Day events and specials. By doing this you are likely to better manage your budget. Planning ahead will save you time and money.
5. Turn off your phone
When you have children, especially small children, turning your phone off becomes very difficult as anything can happen and they might need to reach you. However, keeping the phone on when you are trying to get ‘me’ time can also be a mistake. Children are always trying to reach mommy even when there’s nothing to be alarmed about. Mommy is just that person they need to speak to. During your ‘me’ time you need the peace that comes from not having to answer the phone every few minutes. If you leave the children in the care of a responsible adult, you can put the phone on silent and answer only calls from that person.
One of the biggest stumbling blocks to a single mother taking time for herself is guilt. Every decision made is centred on the interest of the children so it becomes difficult to put your needs first, even for a day. If you take that burden with you on your Valentine’s Day outing, you will not enjoy it. Resolve to get rid of guilt before you leave home. Doing something for yourself doesn’t make you a bad mother, it makes you human.
Marie Berbick, aka The PR Girl, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
