Signs your mate has checked out
THE dream for every marriage is a lifetime of bliss, but unfortunately it doesn’t always go that way.
And while every marriage has challenges — some more than others — marriages exist where people suffer in silence or check out of the relationship and leave without a trace.
Recently, on the Humans of New York Facebook page, a lawyer was roasted for abandoning his family after checking out of his marriage.
The lawyer was quoted on the popular social media platform as saying the following:
“I was having second thoughts about the marriage almost immediately. I was thinking about asking for an annulment, but then we got pregnant. So I stuck it out for 20 years. I did really well for myself during that time. I was making $100,000 per year as a lawyer. That was a lot of money in the 60s. We lived on the finest street in Charlotte. But I was still miserable. So, the moment the kids were grown, I took off. I left my wife everything. I left her the house, the bank account, the Mercedes, everything. I didn’t even say goodbye. I just dictated a note to my secretary, called the Rolls Royce dealership and told them to pick up the car at the airport. I flew to New York with nothing but $800 screaming ‘Free at last, free at last, free at last!’ “
Sex and family counselling therapist Reverend Dr Carla Dunbar told All Woman that the signs that your mate has checked out of your marriage are usually visible unless you are completely guileless.
“His wife must have known something was awry, unless she was totally naive. She ought to have been able to feel that his emotions were not with her, as a woman has female intuition which informs her in some ways. It should not be shocking to her unless she totally loved him blindly, to not have seen that her love was unrequited, if it is that she loved him,” she explained.
Other signs your mate has checked out of your marriage include:
1. Constantly distracted
If your husband would rather be on social media or easily gets caught up by other things and you’re nowhere in the mix, he may just be coexisting in your space, but in reality he has already emotionally left the marriage. His emotional disengagement could mean he no longer picks up on your down moments, laughs at your jokes, and ignores almost everything you do, especially when it’s a desperate attempt for attention.
2. No interest in your well-being
A happy and successful couple always takes into consideration each other’s well-being. They may ask certain questions like ‘how is your day?’, show extra care and effort when you’re sick, and go the extra mile to ensure that you’re mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually well.
3. No interest in sex
Men are sexual creatures by nature, therefore if your husband has no problems like erectile dysfunction, and he is no longer interested in being intimate with you, that should be a signal that he has secluded himself from your marriage and is not interested in your sexual gratification any more.
4. Constant antagonism
If there are no grounds to flesh out an argument or make a point and you’re constantly at each other’s necks, then a problem clearly exists. You should seek counselling in this situation.
5. Not supportive
When your husband can’t cheer you on and support your goals for the family and your personal aspirations, that may be a red flag staring you in the face
6. Intuition
As Dr Dunbar stated, a woman’s intuition, though not always correct, serves as a warning in most cases. Don’t ignore the gut feeling.
