Will revenge cheating help?
SOMEWHERE between the emotional roller coaster and staring at the shambles of a shattered relationship after a partner’s affair, many of us, whether we want to admit it or not, have asked ourselves if we should give our partners a dose of their own medicine or simply leave it to time.
Sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill says revenge sex is just not worth it.
“Being involved in the same misdemeanour as your partner does not solve the problem. It worsens an already uncomfortable relationship,” he warns. “You won’t feel better.”
He pointed out that while news of a partner’s infidelity would be difficult to cope with, the offended party should aim to be rational. He advised instead that you ask the following questions:
1. Will your action improve the relationship?
2. Although you think tit for tat makes your partner feel the hurt you are experiencing, do you think he/she will stop being unfaithful after your revenge sex?
3. If the Bible is your compass for living, what does it say about revenge?
4. Are you able to look beyond his/her faults and see the need?
5. What do you think is lacking in your current relationship that may be causing the unfaithfulness?
Dr McGill said revenge sex has the power to break up committed intimate relationships. He said if the offended person requires external support to move forward, or is still in limbo, they should seek counselling.
But is the expert’s view practical for everyday life?
Below readers weigh in:
Kerry:
I don’t believe that cheating on him as revenge would help me, because it would only say that I am the same as him. Before I choose to do that, I would leave him.
Amelia:
I have been cheated on before, and I asked myself whether cheating on my partner would make me feel better. It would not reverse the fact that he did his thing with someone else. It does not make any sense to open up yourself to someone new because you want your cheating man or woman to feel ‘a way’.
Demmi:
Yes, if she cheats I am also cheating, because I am not going to leave her. I invested a lot in the relationship. She would have to be punished though. One dose of that punishment is that I would have to make her know how it feels to get cheated on.
Lance:
Of course. I always hear, do unto others as you would like them to do unto you. We are big people and once you can make that choice then probably it’s just my lucky day to check out that fat browning that I had to be closing my eyes and looking past.
Tilly:
I wouldn’t cheat on her because it wouldn’t fix the problem. I am a peaceful person and I know two wrongs cause chaos, not make things right. Sometimes as a man you just have to drop the ego.
Jilian:
Nothing hurts a man more than knowing that his woman was with someone else. So yes, I would have revenge sex. Of course you have to make them know that you don’t always have the blade when they have the handle. Men must get the picture that women are not taking everything they bring to the table, or will forgive all their mistakes because of love.
