Please God, Send Me A Husband

DR Monique Rainford, 45, is a compassionate, ambitious, capable and knowledgeable obstetrician-gynaecologist (ObGyn) who has a keen interest in women’s health as well as helping them find healthy relationships.

Dr Rainford, who grew up in St Andrew, told All Woman that while her purpose is to take care of the health and well-being of women, it took her a while to recognise it as she considered other careers before making a decision.

“When I was about seven years old I burst my chin at home in Jamaica. I went to Oxford Medical Centre and there a male doctor took care of me. He sutured my chin and he gave me a 50-cent coin, which was a lot of money [at the time], and it left an impression on me. I also had a female paediatrician who I felt was a very good doctor that influenced me to want to go into medicine.

“But when I got to Immaculate Conception High I became interested in law, languages and translating,” she said.

However, by the time Dr Rainford reached grade 10, she said her favourite teacher — Sister Pat — was diagnosed with cancer, which left an impact on her.

“When I went to visit her in the hospital shortly before she died, I remember her saying she wished she had more time, and that moment led me to want to go back into medicine. But I said I wanted to be a paediatrician and I wanted to be involved in finding the cure for cancer,” she said.

But another change of heart would soon take place when Dr Rainford finished undergraduate studies at the University of Pennsylvania and Harvard Medical School.

“I thought I was going to go into paediatrics. Even after completing my paediatrics rotation I thought, yes, paediatrics was for me. But when I went into rotation for obstetrics and gynaecology, what had the biggest impact on me then, interestingly, was delivering babies,” she said.

“It was a powerful experience for me. I remember going into the room; it was a French couple, and I remember all the emotion and happiness that couple had when their baby was born. And while I was still undecided, after leaving obstetrics I did some more studies and rotation in women’s care, then I decided this was it,” Dr Rainford said.

And so she began her professional career as an ObGyn, but one thing that piqued her interest based on her interaction with women was relationships and the desire to get married.

“From Cinderella stories I remember being one of those people who loved those books, and movies like Dirty Dancing, because of the relationship between the actors. All those movies with relationships over the years, I enjoyed them and I enjoyed hearing my friends’ relationship stories and giving advice if they wanted it. Of course, I would also hear about relationships from the women who came into my office,” she said.

But the difference was that Dr Rainford was single and so this fascination led to a desire for a relationship of her own, which resulted in a long waiting period.

“It took me a very long time to meet my husband. I met him in my mid-30s and got married shortly thereafter. The journey was pretty tortuous and miserable at times. I had good friends but I don’t think I enjoyed it [singleness] fully, as I was always wondering why I’m not meeting my husband and if the right person would ever come along,” she shared.

For Dr Rainford, her wait for a husband involved praying, but she admits that at times she thought God didn’t hear her.

“As a Christian, when you’re somebody who thinks something is right for you, you want it, and when you don’t see it happening it’s very hard to be comforted by those words [scriptures] alone. I found it hard even to be comforted by faith, because sometimes I really thought that God didn’t hear me and He wasn’t listening. In other areas I felt like He was listening and everything was intact, but I felt like He was not listening in this area and that was what I was struggling with.”

This waiting period led her to write her second book Please God, Send Me A Husband, available at Bookophilia, which she completed in 2015 — a few years after getting married, as an encouragement for women currently waiting for their spouses. Her first book, The Maternal Glow, focused on her journey as an obstetrician and her personal experiences being pregnant.

“It can be hard for any woman. The dating world can be very difficult. It’s not that I never met guys who were interested, but those who were interested in me, I wasn’t interested, and the ones I was interested in just weren’t the good guys, and that’s part of the problem you face,” she explained.

“Sometimes you weren’t meeting anyone and wondering when this great person is coming along, and 35 is not young. It doesn’t feel good climbing through your 30s and you haven’t met the person and you don’t know if he’s even coming. That’s the part that makes the journey difficult. So I wrote the book to give women encouragement that if it’s for you — and you’ll know by your communication with God — then he’s coming.”

Moreso, she said she felt there was some purpose with her going through her struggle and she was able to complete the book using not just her experience, but those of 50 different women.

“I wanted happily married women, divorced women, women who were never married, those widowed, to get insight from them to provide information to women on that journey. I also did a psychology course in close relationships so that I could improve my academic knowledge in the area of relationships. I felt like I could have read a book like mine to give me more comfort and that’s why I wrote it for other women. Sometimes you need extra reassurance and tips — resources, places you can meet guys, etc. Our responsibility is not just to wait, but to make ourselves the best possible persons we can be, be open to opportunities and not miss the opportunities God is putting our way. Just trust in God and do our best to avoid situations we know are not good for us. That will make the journey much more pleasant and much easier for any woman going through it,” she said.

Dr Rainford, an ObGyn for over 16 years, currently works in the DC metropolitan area as well as Alexandria, Virginia and Baltimore, and she proudly stated that she’s happier married than she was being single.

Also a mother of two, Dr Rainford said she believes marriage isn’t for everyone; however, she said once you feel it’s for you, hold fast to your belief.

“Some people are meant to be single, but don’t let anybody dissuade you and say the good men are gone. No! If you believe that it’s going to happen, then allow God’s timing to put you in the circumstances to allow it to happen,” she said.