Finding a ‘real man’
EVERY woman prays for a bonafide catch — a ‘real man’ who is usually right at the top of their sometimes enormous checklist. And while many experts have listed qualities, such as him respecting you, considering your needs and supporting you, as essential, one woman’s version of a real man could vary significantly from another’s.
“I have never been keen on the term ‘real man’, because no doubt we create a list that does not suit a woman’s needs, or the man may not be all the things on the list, but that does not automatically mean that he is not an amazing man,” said counselling psychologist Ivret Williams.
“Therefore lists like these are sometimes unfair and discriminatory.”
She said our definition of a real man is dictated by how we are socialised, “so when we go to the table we go on these terms and the fact that he does not fit in your box all the way, you just throw out the baby with the bath water even though eight out of ten is good enough,” Williams said.
All Woman asked readers to share their idea of who a real man should be by their standards.
Phil:
A real man respects and makes time for his woman.
Latoya:
I fall in love with the little things that a man does, especially the way he treats others and his family in particular. Does he take care of his parents and siblings? Does he protect them and see that their best interests are always served? Also, if he has children, note the way he treats them. The nieces and nephews too, not just monetarily, but in terms of affection that he gives to them. What are his family values, the way he treats me when I am sick or going through a low period? Is he a good listener and how much does he involve me in his life? Very important are his ambitions, the ways he interacts with me while in public, the language he uses to address me regardless of where we are, how much he involves me in his life, how he uses the time we spend together, and of course if my well-being matters when I am in his presence.
Meisha:
He listens and talks to me instead of to other people about our problems. He respects me and he understands that even though we are in a relationship I also need personal space and privacy. He is also caring and understanding and supports me in my darkest hours.
Kemesha:
A real man for me is one who understands the value of respect — that’s most important. It’s the little things he does too — a man shouldn’t mind having to share roles, especially household chores like the washing and the cooking. He shows appreciation and he should be able to love my roots and not just my flowers. He should be compassionate and supportive. Too many men are in competition with their spouses, and for that I have zero tolerance.
Dani:
He is not just in love with me, but he loves my wit, my intelligence, and should be willing to support me as I take on my professional and entrepreneurial journeys. He should also respect me for who I am and accept me, flaws and all. He should be a nurturing man, and yes, both my sexual and mental needs should be fulfilled. He should be firm and rational with the ability to make tough decisions. He should also at all times try to protect me physically and emotionally. He should value his commitment to me. No real man sleeps around and he should at all times be accountable and responsible not just with his professional life, but his personal and financial life as well. Most important, though, is for him to respect me and our families.
