A taboo subject

ORAL sex is no longer a big deal, or at least not when women perform it on men. When the shoe is on the other foot, however, the act still has some amount of stigma attached to it.

This stigma varies depending on your locale. Jamaican men, in particular, have faced heavy criticism for endorsing fellatio, while making out its reciprocity to be deviant.

So with the taboo now said to be long gone and oral sex akin to an appetizer to the main course in the bedroom, why are men refusing to scratch the backs of the very women who scratched theirs?

Thirty-three-year-old entrepreneur Leroy says that the stigma attached to men performing oral sex on their women is a social issue deeply embedded in our culture.

“Don’t believe that more men are not going down than are willing to admit it, but they have to put up a front because the men that they hang out with believe that the practice is distasteful, and they wouldn’t share cups or a spliff with them, and would treat them as outcasts if they found out they were doing that. Plus, if you ever stood by and listened to men talk about the female genitals, you would get a clearer picture, whether it is because of the way it looks, the fact that the woman menstruates, or because she is more likely to get sweaty down there, a lot of men just avoid doing it,” he said.

Fifty-three-year-old, Winston, a farmer, says that he blames it on the messages conveyed through much of the local music.

“This whole heap [of] foolishness in the music is what cause them to get ‘bun’ [cheated on] because their women going to go for the full package. Vybz Kartel is one of the main ones leading the pack, sending big ratings to women [willing to go down] but disrespecting the youths that want to give their women pleasure. I will say to any woman, that if he is not giving he shouldn’t be receiving,” he argued.

A third man, 41-year-old teacher and entertainer Troy, had a different take on the topic.

“She shouldn’t have to ask for it and unless she is in that rare category of women who would rather not have oral sex performed on them, then men should definitely offer it back. But we must first know that the reason for this is engendered in the minds of children especially as they approach adolescence. While girls are told that it is okay, men are mocked, teased and you more than likely will forever walk around with that baggage if you are ever known to practise cunnilingus,” he said.

Troy also argued that women’s genitals are generally thought of as unclean, so a man’s refusal to put his mouth down there is acceptable and considered hygienic.

But sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill, when asked to weigh in on the topic, says that there are indeed a greater number of women who are likely to not have experienced oral sex. He pointed out however that those men who are unlikely to want to return the favour generally fall within specific categories.

“The stigma attached to oral sex on women is still alive and well, but hardly as prominent as in the last 15 years or so. Young men tend to be less ashamed of talking about the practice. Many from a working class, rural background tend to publicly denounce the act, but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors,” Dr McGill said.

He said that hopefully, with the advancement of technology and greater access to sex education platforms, the stigma will recede, thereby allowing for the topic to be discussed with less ignorance.

“I think that with each successive generation, they are more in touch with what is happening among their peers locally and worldwide and porn, by which many sexual experiences is inspired, is just a click away. Sex, therefore, is becoming less of a private matter and more discussed in groups and in the media these days. Hopefully, like oral sex on men and a plethora of sexual practices, oral sex on women will also receive more and more acceptance,” Dr McGill said.