Preparing your child for a sibling
CHILDREN are impressionable beings; they are very observant and they, like adults, can sometimes read into a situation more than they should. It therefore should come as no surprise that when mommy’s tummy bulges and everybody begins to get excited about a new baby, some children may begin to think that they are going to be replaced. While we know this to be false, they don’t, and clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell says that it’s important to ensure that this thought doesn’t pop up, and even if it does, that it is completely erased.
“The earlier you start talking to your child or children, the easier you will avoid any confusion. So you may want to try this during your pregnancy — talk to them in a language that they understand and explain to them as many times as it requires for them to be clear on all you have said,” Dr Bell encouraged.
She said that one way of helping to ease the stress that could come with a new baby is by helping the child to feel close to the baby before he/she is even born.
“Tell them about the baby, and even try to get them excited about having a sister or brother. Allow the child to listen to the movement of the baby to help him/her develop an attachment even before birth, and allow the child to do this not only on your invitation, but by their requests as well. Talk about how they are going to help with the care of their baby brother or sister, or how great a playmate their sibling will eventually be to them,” Dr Bell advised.
She said that it is important, especially after the birth of the child, that parents stay true to their end of the bargain in cases where they may have invited the child to assist with caring for the baby and ensuring his/her overall happiness.
“Ensure that you continue to include the child, even right after the birth of the baby. Be sure that you still make time for this child so that he/she does not feel neglected. A smart way to achieving this is by allowing him/her to be involved in the care of your newborn, so allow them to carry things you may need for the care of the baby. Let them help you with carrying the diaper, bottle, or the baby’s laundry; allow them to talk to and touch the baby while you supervise and so on.”
She pointed out that while the newborn baby will require a lot of attention, especially when you have the support of family, you should try to balance the time that you spend with both children to avoid the older child/children becoming jealous.
“The idea of the child becoming jealous of the newborn depends largely on how parents share the time between baby and an older child. So while the formula should be involvement in the care of the newborn so you could spend time with the children at the same time, you should not stop doing the things you did for the older child like reading to them, being their play dates, doing chores, or fun activities together. Above all, never stop reassuring the child of your love during this period,” Dr Bell said.
